It was only humane

"Bianca what's wrong?" Shane's voice traveled through the reciever and embraced Bianca with comfort, it was such a relief to feel him with her, even though he wasn't physically there and even though he didn't know yet of what was happening to her, she knew he would help her. That he would just resume being her father.

She was so overcome with emotion she couldn't pull the words from her mouth, she considered just hanging up, taking the knowledge that he still cared for her and making it enough. But she couldn't do that, she needed him she needed her father, his wisdom and his understanding.

"Bianca are you there? I got a text from you, I called just as soon as I saw it, afterall, dad I need you, coming from Ms. Bianca Shelk, this must be serious."  Shane quipped.

"Mmm hmm" Bianca muttered, it was all she could muster.  It hit her then, that it was possible this news would be devastating to him.  That maybe his cancer tainted and estranged daughter dumping all over him with a new baby just two months away, maybe cruel, maybe selfish.  Feeling in love with him again, her daddy, having finally overcome her resentment and removed her blinders of anger she was feeling the burden of what this would do to him because he had lived through it before.  She finally fully understood her mother's motivation behind keeping the severity of her cancer a secret from them.  Bianca felt deep sorrow in this revelation. It must have been so hard for her, Bianca thought.

"I can hear you breathing Bianca, what has happened? Is Tyler alright?"

Bianca shook her full head free of her thoughts so she could respond. "Yes, dad, we are fine...great actually...we are getting married, I wanted to call and tell you myself." Bianca lied.

"That's wonderful news!" Shane paused briefly, "Bianca, we haven't spoken, i don't know how I am supposed to feel right now, it's wonderful to hear your voice. You sound beautiful."

"I've just, i guess I just wanted to hear ...i have missed you.  I still don't feel comfortable with everything but, I'm not ready to lose you."

"Bianca you were never going to lose me, you may have been shutting me out, but there was never a moment I wasn't standing on the other side of that door waiting, and hoping that you would open it.  I love you. I loved your Mother, nothing and no one will ever change that."

Bianca eyes feared with tears at the sound of her father's voice mentioning her mother. "I love you daddy. I have to go, but I will call soon. Take care, it was so good talking to you." With that she ended the call before her vulnerability made it's self known.

Their family and all that it had been was something lost in her memory until now.  It was bittersweet nostalgia, Bianca was lost in it, surrendering to the joy and pain of it because within the saftey of that nostalgia the line between the two was divinely blurred.  Tyler couldn't possibly love her the way that her father had loved her mother.  Bianca couldn't imagine him caring for her, nursing her, selflessly sacraficing all of the peace and comforts of a normal life to sooth her while she expired.

This revelation was unwelcomed.  Tyler had been a beautiful distraction but everything was different now.  Her perspective enlightened. Shane was her father, everything else aside.  She had boar witness to great and selfless love and that kind of love is more grand than squeaky  kitchen waltzes when the stars are perfectly aligned and everyone is young and beautiful and healthy. Maybe it was her fear of being left behind, or maybe it was the fear of beautiful perfect romance being remembered as anything else but some breed of this fear catapulted her away from Tyler. Tyler already felt like a memory to her, and she wanted to preserve that memory just the way it was. A handsome pout, headed off to fulfill a destiny that was more brilliant Than her own. A prince who had been seduced by a flawed peasant moving forth into a perfect life with only a story of an unexpected heartbreak and broken engagement to recollect when he spoke of her.

She felt like this road ahead needed to be traveled alone, it was only humane. Shane had suffered enough and had a chance now to enjoy a life undaunted by sickness and Tyler would remember all of the joy with distinct, unblurred perimeters forever if she spared him the agony of a life with a cancer patient, a barren woman, a devastating pregnancy, a motherless child, or any combination of the possible outcomes.  She needed to go it alone.  She needed to run away.