"Well Bianca, the baby looks great. The lesions on you cervix, however are of great concern to me." April was washing her hands at the sink in the exam room. "Bianca, I know it's difficult to consider your cancer while you have so much going on with the baby," she cut her eyes to Tyler then looked back to Bianca "and everything else, but your a very sick girl. Your 22 weeks along, just passed the halfway point but I need to know that you understand that proceeding with this pregnancy and postponing treatment will absolutely result in a devastating blow to your overall health, as well as really dimish the likelihood that we will be able to contain the cancer or have it respond to treatment." Bianca couldn't believe dr. Leck had changed her tone so much since the last visit, was the cancer that much worse, or was was her pessimism a product of her mysterious and unfounded resentment for Tyler. whatever her reasons were, the change in tone was a devastating one.
Bianca realized she must have looked pretty pitiful because whenTyler began rubbing her shoulders she found that she was slumped over her belly her shoulders raised almost to her ears as if she was unknowingly coiling into a fetal position. She quickly sat herself up straight, "Okay, I understand. I want to stick with our plan, I don't want to change anything. Let the chips fall were they may."
Bianca didn't see any other way to handle the situation. Nothing had changed really, she knew that the cancer would progress in the duration of her pregnancy, the warning from the doctor just felt so condemning, and hopless. She glanced up to Tyler, worry written across his brow, he had nothing to add to the conversation, Bianca knew that the cancer had just become real to him and it hurt her heart just the way she knew it would when he finally felt the heaviness of her burden. She was glad he was there, though she felt sad and frightened she no longer felt alone.
"Alright Bianca, then we will proceed in the manner we discussed, I'll want to see you every two weeks now so stop at the desk on your way out and set that appointment." With that Alice shook Tylers hand again, then gave Bianca a sympathetic pat on her knee before leaving the room.
Alone now with Tyler, Bianca had no idea how to begin a conversation so she decided against initiating one completely. After several moments of silence while Bianca dressed behind the curtain in the exam room she was relieved when Tyler finally spoke. "You ok babe?" He asked causiously.
"Well, yes, I mean it's never nice to hear cancer is overtaking your reproductive system, but it really isn't new news to me." She drew the curtain back and emerged in her maxi dress and flip flops, purse slung across her body ready to go. Tyler took his hand in hers and escorted her out to reception. This act, holding hands, was not something new that Bianca and Tyler shared they had always done it when it was appropriate, perhaps it was the absence of other physical intimacy between them now, or maybe it was the loneliness Bianca had become accustomed to, but now holding Tylers hand was electric. It sent pulses of current through her body and it was magical.
"How do I say goodbye to my heart, how do I give up on you, you have to feel it too, just get to know me, let me just know you." That song they heard in the diner was playing in the reception area on a little radio behind the desk. Tyler gave Bianca's hand a little squeeze and she laid her head on his arm. "I think this is our song now Tyler said gently touching her baby bump, "it's the song for all three of us, we always seem to be together when we hear it." Bianca gave his arm a nuzzle and nodded in agreement.
The nurse at reception was friendly and dutifully set Bianca's next appointment. "What do I owe today, do you have my payment schedule ready?" Bianca asked.
"Nothing Ms. Shelk, your all set. We will see you in two weeks" The nurse replied to Bianca's amazement. The nurse handed her an appointment reminder card which Bianca hesitantly took as she and Tyler left the building.
"How about you Tyler, penny for your thoughts?" Bianca asked as she slid into the sedan, Tyler pushed the passenger door that he had been holding open for her closed and climbed into the drivers seat before responding.
" I think your beautiful." He said planting a kiss on her forehead. "I think this is tough stuff darlin', it was wonderful seeing the baby on the scan and hearing his heartbeat, but I think I've been in denial about how sick you are. You look healthy and you seem so normal, i guess it's just been easy to ignore." Without looking back at her but distantly staring out of the front window of the car he continued "but all of that's over now, no more pretending. It's not going to be easy. Really scary stuff doll."
" I know, im sorry. That's how it felt with mom, well, until it didn't. It's precisely what I was trying to protect you from, It's going to get ugly Tyler."
"Bianca, baby, your reasoning baffles me, you are either the most compassionate, caring person I have ever met, or the most oblivious."
"Oblivious?" Bianca asked, tilting her head in query.
"Yeah oblivious. Oblivious to the fact that you are the victim. Oblivious that the people who love you want to help you and take care if you. Oblivious that supporting you isn't a burden, it's a privilege."
The words melted her troubled heart like butter. They were so comforting. Bianca was so glad Tyler Holt came back to her, if he left me now, she thought, I would never survive this despite what cancer may or may not do to me. She looked out of her window as they passed the exit for her apartment. "You missed the exit babe." Bianca said patting his thigh.
"No I didn't, I want to go somewhere."
"I thought you had to go back to work?"
"I do, right after I finally make you my wife."
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