The mysterious trip

          Two Days Before

"Explain to me exactly what you have done Mother" Tyler hissed into his cell phone as he barreled to the airport.
Tyler you must stop screaming at me or we won't get anywhere." Mrs.Holt replied calm and demure.
"Explain, Mother, now." Tyler stated again less loudly but not more calmly.
"Alice was supposed to keep my abreast of the fate of the pregnancy, nothing more."
"No mother, the adoption. Tell me about the papers Bianca signed, your so called non disclosure agreement. Carl told me everything."
"Ah, of course, Carl" Barbara Holt mused silently for a moment, the betrayal by Carl Baxter, the Holts families attorney and trusted friend hadn't surprised her. Carl was terminated from his position with the family when Barbara had discovered a letter addressed to Tyler in the briefcase Carl carelessly left at the Holts residence after a mid afternoon martini meeting with her Husband.  Barbara, suspecting that Carl was displeased with her actions in regards to Bianca, had wasted no time helping herself to the contents briefcase and confiscated the letter.  The letter was written as if it were coming from an anonymous source, warning Tyler that the papers that Bianca signed under the assumption that they were a non disclosure agreement were in fact papers stating that if the pregnancy were successful Barbara would adopt and take possession the baby immediately. The money had sealed the deal and the agreement was air tight, Carl had seen to it. When Barbara confronted Carl, he was honest about his intentions with the letter. He expressed his disgust with her dishonesty and said his conscious was eating him alive.  He also said he had not yet said anything to Tyler or anyone else about the agreement.  Barbara immediately  terminated him, and  told him if he ever infringed upon their client attorney privilege he would be disbarred at best all the while implying a threat of harm to his person and his reputation in Oxford as a whole.  Even then she hadn't felt confident it would be enough to quiet him for long, as she knew he had always felt an endearing connection to Tyler, but she had hoped that it could at the very least buy her some time to execute her next move.

When Barbara had devised to plan she actually believed that Bianca would terminate the pregnancy, the adoption was something the had thought up to cover her bases with Tyler, show him that she was always protecting his best interests by retrieving for him the love child that a very sick and undoubtedly mentally unstable Bianca had tried to disappear with and keep to herself despite being unfit both physically and mentally because of her aggressive cancer to care for.  Barbara had believed Bianca would not reach out to Tyler again because despite her disdain for the young lady she sensed that Bianca  a genuine concern for Tyler's future, and she was right, Bianca wouldn't have reeled Tyler back into her troubles.  What Barbara Holt lacked was not an understanding of Bianca's heart it was a lack of understanding her sons.  When Tyler Holt, love sick and broken, embarked on his mission to recover Bianca everything Barbara thought she knew didn't matter anymore.
"Tyler my actions were in your best interest, I was trying to protect you, to insure that if you had a child that you could have access to it."
"If I had a child, right mother? If, as in if Bianca hadn't aborted the pregnancy like you had asked her to?" Tyler snapped in response without skipping a beat.
"Oh Tyler why are you pretending to be so niave! Bianca was a very sick girl, carrying the baby to term was unlikely and dangerous for the both of them, can't you see that I was doing my very best for everyone involved, under the... unique and complicated circumstances I think my reasoning was sound. I'm not understanding how you are failing to see it.  You may think me a wicked witch or whatever you please but you will not convince me to agree with you. Sometimes the right thing seems wrong and sometimes ethical lines get blurred but at the end of the day decisions must be made, and action must be taken to protect the ones we love."
"Oh my God Mother. You've convinced me, your a manipulative deviant because your so kind hearted and loving ."
"Deviant, Tyler, really do mind your manners, I am your mother."
"Mother who is Alice Leck?"
"She was your father's idea, he's not without fault in this situation either you know." Barbara sighed at the lack of response from Tyler about his father's involvement, Burford always somehow slipped through everything without any blame " she was a colleague of his several years , a companion rather that he entertained a relationship with during a rough patch in our marriage."
"He had an affair with Alice Leck?" Tyler shook his head overwhelmed by this new information.
"Oh I suppose if you must label it, you could call it that.  Despite my feelings about their continued correspondence Burford and Alice have stayed in touch, I only allowed it because the poor woman fell apart when he ended the intimate aspect of their relationship. I'm no monster the woman deeply cared for him, she tried to end her life when he left her."
"That doesn't sound right Mother, I don't buy that for a second, what details are you conveniently omitting, you would never abide by Dad and his ex lover keeping in touch."
Barbara sighed again, she was Mother, always formal, always two syllables, never mom, never mommy and despite Burford's minimal, in her opinion, contribution to the raising of the boys he somehow managed to attach himself to the more endearing title of Dad. Very few things hurt Barbara Holts ridged heart the way the word dad did. "
"I understand that you are upset, I understand that you are looking for answers, but dredging up your father's indiscretions and knowing every detail is simply unnecessary because frankly it is unrelated. In marriage there are some things that are kept simply between a husband and wife the ins and outs of Alice Leck is one of those things.  I will gladly share the pertinent information when you get here."
"Fine, yes I'm parking at the airport now. I fully intend to return home no later than tomorrow so all of the paperwork needs to be prepared when I arrive, to be clear, you will be signing the rights to the baby away, and arranging the rolling my trust over to the baby and removing yourself as an interested party."
"Yes son, just as we discussed, I am prepared to void Bianca's and I's agreement, although I don't see any need, with th circumstances the way they are presently I wouldn't have taken any action."
Tyler couldn't help but laugh, "Mother I have no idea what you are capable of these days, I don't trust you as far as I can throw you. Again, I need paperwork showing this is over so you can never pull any of your bullshit with my child.  And the trust?"
"Tyler, I will sign the trust over to the baby as long as you fulfill your end of the of the agreement."
"For God's sake after all you have done to Bianca and I, I can't believe your insisting..." Barbara cut him off "in matters of the families money your opinion doesn't matter, the rules are in place for a reason, you are still my child and I am still your mother.  You have satisfied the marriage and baby stipulations,  but the investment option is still mine, and Mother," she emphasized the word mother in an obvious display of her distaste for the word "knows best. Besides Tyler, I find it completely ridiculous that you would even take issue with it!  Holt stop is fantastically successful Austin is the perfect place for a new location. It will be a nice source of income for your family."
"More like it's a nice way for you to keep one foot in the door of my life forever."
"Well yes, that too, it's worked out beautifully for your brother in Atlanta, I have no doubt that it will be just as lucrative for you. Trent and Avery were no more excited about the opportunity than you are but I would  be willing to bet that if he were being honest about it, he's content with my decision now."
"Don't delude yourself Barbara" Tyler growled "Trent wants nothing to do with you and either do I."
"I'll arrange transportation from the airport." Barbara stated "and call me Barbara if you want, I think I prefer it to Mother any way."
"No need to arrange a car, I'll be renting one, I want you to have no say if I come or go. And I believe I prefer Barbara as well, I don't know that you have ever behaved like a Mother." With that Tyler hung up the phone and made his way into the airport.

He's already here

"How did she end up in the B wing" the voice of a woman asked.
"I don't know ma'am, I found her at the nurses station, she was in shock ." A man's voice replied, Bianca identified the man's voice as bishop's, the guard 5hat had discovered her.
"Were you able to get her name?" The woman asked.
"No ma'am, but I think I found the room she was in, there were no personal effects inside, but there was a bag of urine and a catheter there was some blood on it."
" My name is Bianca Holt" Bianca stated clearly into the fog.
"I think she's coming too" the woman said then Bianca felt hands on her arm. I must have passed out, she thought, I have to wake up "my name is Bianca Holt." She stated again. "Miss, if you can hear me nod your head" the woman encouraged. Bianca began nodding her head and with every nod the white cloud lifted a bit revealing blackness beneath.
"Very good" coaxed the woman "open yours eyes, your safe, your in the hospital, Bishop Page the doctor and tell him jane doe from the b wing is coming too." Bianca heard bishop's footsteps as he left room. Open your eyes Bianca, she told herself open them! Her eyelids were so heavy it felt as if they were weighted down but slowly the blackness began to take shape and she could see the face of the woman who was speaking to her and hospital room around her. "My name is Bianca Holt" she said her voice weak and hoarse. The woman wrote her name on a small spiral pad she held in her hand.  The woman wasn't dressed as a nurse or doctor but in a ill fitted pantsuit.  She was an attractive woman despite the lack of any make up and her hair, seemed dirty and swept up into a sloppy ponytail. She appeared to be in her forties but Bianca thought she may have appeared younger if she were wearing make up. "Ok Bianca,"  the woman said, "now we are getting somewhere. Can you tell me how you got here, to the hospital?"
"Alice Leck" was all that Bianca could squeak out and it was the only thing on her mind, "find dr. Alice Leck, I think she has my baby" Bianca was able to state more clearly.
"Is that why you came here to the hospital Bianca, to have a baby?"
" Yes, I went into labor. I was supposed to have a c section and hysterectomy. I had a contraction in the parking lot and two men retrieved me and brought me inside."
" they brought you into the b wing?"
"Honestly it's a blurr."
"Bianca, what is the last thing you recall before the surgery?"
It suddenly occurred to Bianca that she had no idea who this woman was and that it certainly wasn't prudent to divulge any information to anyone that couldn't be trusted given the mysterious circumstances surrounding her situation.
The woman stared intensly at Bianca for a moment before she turned her head to acknoowlege the doctor and another woman Entering The room. "  "thank you officer, can you come with me for a moment so Dr. McAllister can assess the patient" the woman who came with the dr. Asked an officer, Bianca thought, that makes since she felt relief wash over her knowing it was some sort of officer that she had been talking to and not someone with questionable motives. "certainly " the officer replied, "I'll speak with you again soon Bianca" the officer said as she laid a card on the table next to the hospital bed. Bianca nodded.
"My name is Bianca Holt. My husband is Tyler Holt and someone needs to contact him." Bianca stated to the doctor. "We will get to working on that right away, but first let's have a look at you." The doctor replied matter of factly. "My baby is missing, you need to find Dr. Alice Leck and find out where my baby is." Bianca snapped impatiently.  It was time to get things done.  The doctor, a man Bianca guessed was in his mission fifties with pure white hair and wore thick tortoise she'll glasses almost identical to her father's smiled at Bianca and touched her shoulder. "I'm Dr. McAllister, I'm going to need to examine you and then we will address every concern you have, one at a time until we have sorted this all out.  While you were unconscious you were given several units of blood.  You incision was cleaned and re dressed, you aren't exhibiting any indications of infection and the work on your c section appears to be sound and professional. An ultrasound shows that your uterus is where is should be, in relation to its size and position for someone 2 days postpartum .
"Two days!" Bianca exclaimed, shocked that she had no idea how long she had been in the hospital. "My God, and no one has heard from my husband and no one has located my child I still have a uterus?!" Dr McAllister looked puzzled, no doubt because Bianca seemed upset to have a uterus. But smiled calmly and spoke softly, "I know you are concerned and you have every right to be. But I need you to keep calm, your blood pressure is a concern right now and I don't want to have to give you something to calm you as I'm sure you would prefer being as sharp as possible while we sort this all out." The suited woman reentered the room without the officer and approached her bedside.  The doctor looked at her and quickly instructed her to locate Dr. Leck and Tyler Holt .
"We have reached out to Dr. Leck, we are waiting to hear back and Mr. Holt is here and eager to see his wife." Bianca felt her hands grow cold and her cheeks grow warm, Tyler is here, thank God, she wanted him to hold her so badly. She felt the prick of tears welling up in her eyes. The suited woman cut her gaze to Bianca, "hello Bianca, my name is Sandra, I'm the hospital administrator." Without missing a beat Sandra returned her attention back to the Dr. "Shall I tell Mr. Holt he can see her as soon as he's finished with officer charles?"
"Yes, have him shown in immediately." Dr . McAllister instructed commandingly "when he is here no one is to disturb their visit, they have much to discuss." The dr patted Bianca's shoulder and Bianca beamed at him with appreciation.

Is my Baby with you?

"Bianca, the authorities are trying to reach you. Shane and June have been in an accident.  Bea, Shane....your father, he didn't...honey I'm so sorry, he didn't make it.  June is on life support but they tell me they are holding out little hope for her..." It was a shaken April Bettles, June's mother who had left Bianca the message Bianca say paralyzed in shock as she listened to the horrific news "the baby, he is critical, but he's alive Bianca, and he may make it. You need to get to Oxford as soon as possible. I'm leaving Florida now.  I'm sorry to have left you this message but I don't know what else to do. Please call me just as soon as you can."  Bianca felt faint, and realized she wasn't breathing. She sharply inhaled as she listened to the voice mail menu rattle off her options. When it prompted her to press 2 to save the message she did and the next message began playing "Bianca! What the hell is going on, why are you not answering the phone. I'm here in Oxford, I got your message baby, please call me.  April Bettles got ahold of me I am on my way to the hospital that your family is at, I can't believe your having the baby, I'm so sorry that I'm not there, I need to know what you want me to do, do you want me to come back or stay here.  Darlin' I don't even have the words...i don't know what to do, I called the hospital where you said you were going, they say your not there. God please don't let something have happened to you. Bianca...." the message cut off after that, Bianca presumed it was because it was too long. Again she pressed 2 upon the voicemails instructions. "You have no new messages in your mailbox". 
Her trembling hand replaced the reciever. Daddy's dead she whispered. Junes dying. I had a baby. Where is my baby. Tylers looking for me, he doesn't know anything. She continued talking to herself as her brain tried to digest everything that had just been revealed to her When she was startled by a man's voice. "What are you doing here!" The man shouted, he was wearing a uniform, he looked like he could be a police officer, maybe just a security gaurd. He had one hand hovering over a night stick and the other held up as if telling her to stop. He was a very tall black man and looked to be in his early forties.  The metal name badge on his shirt read "Bishop" beneath the name it said security.  Bianca couldn't move or speak she felt as if she were watching herself from outside of her own body. Reading the name "Bishop" over and over again she could feel her lips mouthing the name, she was unable to stop, she wanted too, but her body felt like a robot that had short circuited. "Maam!" Bishop snapped at her again "what are you doing here?!" He insisted.  Bianca's ears were ringing, she could see his mouth moving but she could hear nothing beyond the deafening buzzing ring in her head. Bishop approached her cautiously, she followed him with her eyes, her lips still mouthing the name but everything else still frozen solid. He approached the counter speaking into a walkie talky attached to his shoulder. One hand still hovering over the nightstick. She still heard nothing but could tell he was telling her to come out from behind the counter, she couldn't move, she couldn't even shake her head. He continued towards  her slowly, still motioning for her to come forward. When he reached the counter his brown eyes widened in disbelief.  Seeing now that she was wearing a hospital gown and was unarmed his demeanor softened and Bianca could tell he was speaking softly he paused from time to time to talk into the speaker on his shoulder but no longer held his hand over his nightstick. The ringing in her ears began to subside slightly, she heard him ask her if she was okay and for the first time since his appearance she was able to move. She shook her head no slowly,  and slower still raised her hands to her abdomen.  She may have been able to speak if she had tried but there just weren't any words sufficient enough to summarize how not okay she was. Bishop spoke into his shoulder "She's bleeding from her abdomen, we need a doctor  here immediately." Puzzled Bianca looked down at her throbbing abdomen.  Her gown was soaked in blood.  She felt like she was going to pass out "no," she plead with herself quietly in her mind, "do not lose conciousness, Bianca, you have to stay alert, God knows what will be done with you if you pass out." Bianca could feel her eyes fluttering and her brain slipping into a dream like state of confusion "no" she wimpered at Bishop "please, don't let me pass out, please" Bishop ran around the counter and kneeled beside her she offered him her hands and he gently held them. "Help is on the way miss, your going to be okay" he told her gently while he squeezed he hands. She nodded indicating she was trying to hold on before the ringing returned to her ears and everything in the room except for Bishop became a foggy blurr. She could feel him squeezing her hands and could see his lips moving and his head nodding assuringly as he was washed in the white fog that had overtaken the rest of the room. 
The familiar voice of a woman began singing that song, the one she and Tyler liked so much, their song.

"Your silent retreat was screaming loudly our love had died and tho we were just a moment you took my heart along for your selfish ride. How do I say goodbye to my heart, how do I give up on you, you have to feel it too, just get to know me, let me just know you."

"Why are you singing that?!" Bianca asked with suprising vigor. Still seeing nothing but foggy white, "who is singing that Bishop? I can't see you. I can't see anything" Biancas voice was so strong and clear she didn't know how she had the strength to project it so well.  Suddenly her nose was filled with a familiar smell, it was the warm and comforting smell of her mother, just like on the robe in her mother's bedroom when she and Shane had returned after the funeral. " Mom!" Bianca  exclaimed "yes"  her mother sweetly replied.  "Am I dead?" Bianca asked unsure of what she really wanted the answer to be. "No baby, your not dead, you have lost alot of blood, but your going to be alright. Your father is with me now, and we don't want you to worry, everything is going to be alright. We have to go, and you have to wake up now. "
"Please mom, no, don't go yet...mom is my baby with you? Is he dead?"
"No, Bianca, he's not here, wake up baby you must pay attention now."
"Mom, no! I love you!" Bianca plead.

A renovated plan

At the end of the hallway was an empty reception desk. Not a nurse in sight. Of course, Bianca thought. Well there may not be a nurse but there almost certainly will have to be a phone. She would have to walk to the desk without any handrail or anything else to steady her. Causiously she let go of the hand rail, to her surprise standing without the aid of the rail wasn't much more painful. But walking was.  Bianca felt as if she were in a nightmare she wished she could just tell herself to wake up and discover she was still napping next to Tyler, she wished they had just played chess. His cryptic words about the queen haunted her. Had he been talking about her and not his mother. Was he responsible for this, how could he have planned this though, it didn't make any sense. There was no one looking for her, no one who would knew she had gone into labour but Tyler, if he checked his phone and Alice Leck.  Maybe June would begin to wonder where she was Bianca was certain that June would be trying to contact her about her father's accident eventually.  Bianca was unsure of the where abouts of every person she loved.  She had no idea if her father or her baby were living or dead.  She suspected her husband was in someway responsible for the nightmare of her reality, and that her doctor...she didn't even know what to make of Alice Leck, the last familiar face she had seen prior to all of this "when you wake up, this will all be over" Bianca replayed Dr. Lecks words over and over in her head.  How could it be possible for her to be involved with some grand conspiracy, she had a practice, she would be easy to trace. The panic washed over Bianca in grand waves pumping adrenaline through her broken heart.  She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't realized she had made it, she had walked to the desk and yes, there was a phone.  Bianca scanned the nurses station, or reception area...whatever it was and made noticed the yellow caution tape on the far end.  It ran from the desk to the wall and the floor behind it was stripped down to bare concrete.  There were buckets and dusty bags laying beside stacks of new flooring tiles.  On the walls there were wires hanging out where it looked like lighting fixtures should have been.  It was obvious that this wing of was being renovated and by the looks of it would be for some time. The only lights that were working were dim fluorescent ones, Bianca  figured that this must be emergency lighting.  For a moment her hope waned that there would be a live telephone in the station, but she remembered that even when she temporarily lost power in her home the antique style phone attached to the land line still functioned despite the lack electricity.  She made her way to the inside of the desk and causiously lowered herself into a rolling desk chair. Sitting proved more painful than standing but she committed to it hoping the pain was caused by the act of getting into the chair and would dissapate after she was positioned in the chair, and she was right. She rolled the office chair to the telephone, once again feeling defeated noticing that none of the lights were lit up, it could still have a dial tone she told herself reassuringly. As the chair glided across the floor a vision of Tyler popped into her head.  Handsome and charming spinning her wildly in an office chair waltz, calling her his princess in their home in Oxford.  A sob escaped her but only one before she broke free of her nostalgic indulgence and arrived back to her current  nightmare. Bianca placed a hand on the reciever and lifted it.  Who am I calling, she thought for the first time.  Who can I trust, who all is involved with this. She lifted the reciever to her ear, a dial tone. There must be a way to call another station or security, she thought. She hung the reciever up, while she planned her next move. There was a red button next to the number keys on the dial pad, that must mean something,  she thought.  Bianca lifted the reciever again but she didn't press the red button.  She instead dialed her own phone number.

Get there

"Bianca, Bianca wake up" a muffled female voice said. Bianca opened her eyes, they were heavy and her vision was still a bit blurred. "Bianca, you've just come from surgery, I need you to aknowledge that you can hear and understand me, can you?"  Quickly Bianca nodded "y...yes" She managed to squeak out. The fog in here eyes was beginning to clear and she began recounting the chaos that had been prior to going under.  Alarmed she reached for her belly.  The baby was gone, she had given birth but had no idea how. "What's happened" she asked sharply, annoyed and panicked with her lack of involvement in her own delivery. 
The nurse was a woman of probably about 40, she was attractive and was wearing alot of eye make up. "You've had a baby, Bianca." The nurse replied matter of factly.  "Where is he?" Bianca asked not at all satisfied with the nurses response. "Dr. Leck will be in to see you shortly" the nurse replied handing Bianca a cup of ice chips "your mouth is probably dry dear, try and suck on these ice chips, take it slowly and we will see how well your stomach tolerates them.  It's not unusual to feel nauseated after anesthesia, her is a basin if you feel like you are going to be ill." With that the nurse handed Bianca a grey plastic tub and left the room.

Bianca had never felt more helpless or confused. She shook a few ice chips out of the white steyr foam cup into her mouth,  which was extraordinarily dry, and sucked on them.  She felt certain that no one in the history of baby birthing had ever been treated this way. Where is my purse, my phone, she thought, where is Tyler, where is Dr. Leck, for God's sake where is my son.  Rage boiled up inside of her. This in unacceptable she said to herself aloud shifting the ice chips around in her mouth, she didn't even know if she still had a uterus.  Had they performed a hysterectomy? The more the groggy fog lifted the more anger seethed within her.  it was True she hadn't given much thought to the way the delivery would transpire but she had never fathomed this. She lifted the blanket and paper hospital gown covering her, a gauze pad laid atop of her incision blood just begining to seep through, carefully she lifted the gauze  beneath it laid a 5 inch incision just below her bikini line held together by 12 large metal staples. The work appeared clean and neat, Bianca couldn't believe how much flatter her abdomen already appeared to be.  She wiggled her toes, no problems there.  Bianca cautiously lifted her legs one at a time, there was definitely pain at the incision site but she did have mobility in her limbs. Shouldn't someone be explaining this to me she thought. She scanned the recovery room, it was a private area, only 2 chairs beside the hospital bed that no one was sitting in, my God, Bianca thought, My father, where is my phone. "Nurse!" Bianca hollared in the direction of the rooms closed door as soon as she felt as if there was enough moisture in her throat to tolerate it. After a few moments of no reply she began scanning the room she was in, it was the same room she had initially been brought in to.  There were monitors but they were neatly positioned in the corners of the room and covered as if they had never been used.  Bianca looked at her arms, no IV, but bruises where one had been.  Her clothes and her purse were nowhere that she could see.  She glanced at the trash can, it was empty, not even a trash bag inside.  A horrible feeling washed over her, she knew something was terribly wrong here, how was it possible though, she wondered, am I dreaming, is it possible that after surgery there would no longer be any monitors needed no IVs with antibiotics or fluids, she hated herself for never asking any questions she hated Tyler for abandoning her and June for not answering her phone.  She began to fumble around her bed looking for a call button or some sort of alarm and found a controller wired to the bed with a nurses hat icon on a red button.  She pressed the button over and over but the led light never lit up. She pressed the bed positioning buttons but the bed didn't move, it obviously had no power coming to it. Bianca noticed for the first time that the lights were off. "Does anyone know I'm here!" She screamed, nothing "HELP ME!!" She shrieked, still nothing.  Inhaling deeply  she flung her legs from the side of the bed.  I'll grab a chair, she thought, I'll use it as a walker. Exhaling through the pain she thrust herself from the bed and over to a chair never anticipating the pain in her abdomen when she put weight on her legs.  She fell just short of the chair and felt a ghastly tug in her groin, a result of plastic tubing leading to the opposite side of the hospital bed she had taken leave of.  Lying on the floor in front of the chair she visually traced the tube from the bed to under her gown, a catheter. No, Bianca thought, knowing getting back to the other side if the bed to fetch the bag was out of the question she had no choice. She was going to have to remove it herself.  She had seen this done with her mother and knew there wasn't much to it but she still trembled with fear as she deeply exhaled and yanked the tube with great force. it was wildly uncomfortable but only for a brief  moment.  Bianca began sobbing, how had this happend, why.  She felt so helpless and violated, left in this room for dead, forgotten or discarded, she couldn't be certain which.  Her incision was throbbing, she was certain there was no pain medication left in her body.  She had to pull herself together, she had to find someone, afterall she had just had a cesarean, people have them everyday she would just need to push through the pain.  She reached for the gauze that had been covering her incision, it was lying on the floor beside her and with one hand placed it back over her wound applying pressure to it will she hoisted herself to her feet using the chair for support. "Help!" She screamed again in vain. 

The chair slid quite easily across the floor to Bianca's  surprise. She felt like her insides were going to fall out if she didn't hold them in with her gauze pad.  Slowly and clumsily she made her way to the door. "Help!" She screamed again but with no response. Letting go of the chair she grabbed the door handle and pushed down the doorknob didn't budge, as if it was locked from the outside but whomever had locked it had not fully closed the door, thank you Jesus Bianca cried as she pushed the door open to reveal a empty hallway.

There was a handrail running the length of the hallway, Bianca grabbed it with one hand applying pressure to her incision with the other. Breathe, she told herself, breath through it. "Help!" She shrieked, she wasn't going to be able to scream anymore. It was painful and required more energy than she could afford to expend if she was going to walk. "God help me" she prayed with every excruciating step she took. "God help me, God help me, God help me." She moved down the hallway at a glacial pace, she had no plan other than to walk down the hallway. She would figure out her next move when she reached the end."Get there," she added to her mantra "get there, god help me, get there, god help me..."

A stew of emotions

Feelings of elation flooded over her before her panic set back in. "Ok Bianca," she said to herself "let's just make it to the hospital, that's all you have to do right now." She carefully stepped over the puddle of fluid on the foor and grabbed her keys and her purse.  Her phone was in the back pocket of her slacks.  She pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed Alice Leck office, leaving a message with the answering service that she was headed to the hospital.  The new voice mail notification flashed across her phone screen, of course, she thought, the missed call from Mississippi. While making her way to the car she listened to the voice mail message.

"Mrs. Holt, my name is Deputy Scott from the Lafayette county sheriff's.  I'm afraid there's been an accident involving your father Shane Shelk.  Please return my call as soon as possible. Thank you."

Bianca, now sitting in the drivers seat of her mercedes froze.  Dad had an accident, she spoke to herself, her voice trembling as a contraction wrapped around her again more powerful than even the last, she clenched her teeth and squeezed the steering wheel trying to force her lungs to inhale. She needed to get to the hospital and fast, it was never the plan to delivery traditionally and that was looking more and more likely with every passing moment.  As the contraction retreated Bianca comanded her high tech car to call June's cell and the call went directly to Junes voicemailbox.

Bishop was moving about within her wildly and painfully pelting on her cervix, she put the car in reverse and quickly headed out of the driveway, she knew she had to make haste to the hospital about 10 minutes away before another contraction came on.  "Call Tyler" she shouted at her car, straight to voicemail she was delivered.
"Tyler, my water broke...I'm on my way to the hospital, my dad had an accident please find out what you can, call me immediately. I love you."

Bianca tossed her phone into her bag. "Focus Bianca. Get there" she encouraged herself in the rear view mirror.  A stew of emotions bubbling with in her, excitement, panic, sadness, fear, frustration none more prominent that the other, she had to shut it all down, she had to focus only on she and the baby right now that was the priority. She clicked on the radio with the intention of immersing herself in whatever was playing.

"Your silent retreat was screaming loudly our love had died and tho we were just a moment you took my heart along for your selfish ride. How do I say goodbye to my heart, how do I give up on you, you have to feel it too, just get to know me, let me just know you."

Their song, of course Bianca thought. "Always together when we hear it right Tyler." She scoffed.  She didn't think she would ever forgive his absence, she was wishing, in that moment that Tyler had just left her alone.  Despite his return to her, here she was in labor, all alone. In addition she had no idea what had happened to her father, the sheriff's office, why would they call her, why not June or the hospital.  Was he dead, oh my god, Bianca thought, is he dead. "Stop it Bianca, have this baby. He's not dead. Tyler will check his voicemail, he will get your answers and he will call you as soon as he lands or whatever.  So just stop Bianca, you can't do anything now"  she tried hard to convince herself to let go of the burden of that worry but she could not.  Feeling a contraction coming on she whipped into gas station parking lot, still 5 minutes away from the hospital.  The contractions are coming faster she thought. Again clenching her teeth and strangling the steering wheel she surrendered to the pain of the contraction almost grateful that the pain was substantial enough to clear her mind of everything but the enormous pressure for the few moments it took to pass.  As soon as the contraction subsided she threw the car in gear and continued her voyage to the hospital.

When she arrived she felt like the journey had taken hours. She parked in a handicapped parking space near the emergency room and as quickly as she could gathered her handbag and phone and climbed out of the car and began walking to the entrance, the pressure in her pelvis unbelievable and causing her to waddle slowly despite her efforts to move swiftly .  Another furious contraction overcame her halfway to the emergency entrance, with nothing to steady her she collapsed to her knees. Out of no where two men in scrubs appeared at her side with a wheelchair and loaded her into it. "Thank you" she wimpered still recovering from the pain.

They wheeled her straight past the desk and quick into a room where they helped her into a bed on her side.  Monitors and IVs quickly being installed in and on her, the men worked quickly and with out speaking, which suited Bianca fine, she was weakened by the ordeal and didn't have much interest in speaking, consumed with dread in anticipation of the next horrific contraction. Everything had become  just a blur of bleeping and wooing sounds, they must have given her something for the pain because she couldn't feel the pressure anymore.  When she tried to speak only an incoherent slur escaped her mouth. A blurry figure from the background made its way closer to her and Dr. Leck face began to come into focus.  Bianca could tell she was wearing scubs. "It's ok Bianca," Dr. Leck spoke in a calm and reassuring tone.  "We are taking you back for surgery , your going to fall asleep and when you wake up all if this will be over." Bianca couldn't speak, or move and it was the last thing she would remember before she faded out of conciousness.

Pesky queen

"Hi Dad" Bianca chirped as she answered the phone. "hey there baby!" Shane replied "How are you holding up, 35 weeks today right?"
"Yes sir, and feeling every bit of it."
"Yes, June was certainly ready for the baby to come at that point, but hang in there kiddo, your on the home stretch.  What are the doctors saying about delivery?"
"Dr. Leck was wanting to wait until 38 weeks, but I see her again tomorrow and we are supposed to schedule the delivery then, so tomorrow we will know when we get to meet him, Im feeling pretty excited about it."
"Bianca, Dr. Leck is she an obsetretic oncologist?"
"no, she is a high risk OB, she told me there was no need for an oncologist until closer to my due date."
"Thats bizarre. Is she the one preforming your hystorectomy"
"shes supposed to"
"Bianca you need to take a moment and write up a list of questions for your doctor.  Im no expert but it seems concerning to me that you havent been evaluated by an oncologist since you left Mississippi."
Bianca knew he was right.  She really knew very little of what was to be done with her after the baby was delivered.  Alice had been seeing her every week for sometime now, and the last mention of her cancer was at the appointment tyler accompanied her too th eday they got married.  In all hoesty this had suited Bianca just fine, she never forgot about her cancer, it was in the forefront of her mind constantly, she didnt want to discuss it with the doctor, she didnt want all of the dirty details of how her trearments would begin.  Bianca wanted to be pregnant, just normal and pregnant.  She loved hearing the heartbeat and seeing the baby at every appointment. Dr. Leck examined her cervix at every visit, but said nothing of her condition growing worse, bianca took this as a positive sign that perhaps it hadnt been getting any worse.  The slew of literature Bianca had read had nothing to do with cancer, just prenancy and fetal development.  She resented her cancer, the moments that she was able to ingnore it were precious.  But now so close to deliver she found herself thinking of it more often than she liked.  Thinking of it in terms of being able to raise her son, in terms of not missing his infancy while being treated.  She knew it was time to start asking difficut questions, and accepting the difficult answers.  Bianca had fully intended to ask Dr. Leck to address her concerns at her appointment tomorrow, Shane always had had a gift for pointing out the obvious in the most infuriating way.
"Yeah Dad, I know.  I have some questions ready for her.  How is Brock?"
"Hes fantastic, finally sleeping through the night now, and thank God for that."
"I bet that makes life a little easier, Is June around I would like to talk with her for a moment."
"Yep, Let me go get her.  Be sure to call me first thing after your appointment tomorrow with all the details so that June and I can get our stuff together to head your way."
"You got it. I love you."
"Love you too, heres June"

Bianca had been speaking with June nearly everyday.  It had been wonderful reconnecting with her.  Junes relationship with Shane was no longer disturbing to Bianca, although she would never think of June as her Mother, it seemed to Bianca that Shane and Junes relationship was as authentic and natural as any other relationship.  June was someone who knew Biancas very soul and Bianca regretted not speaking with her when all of the news of the baby and cancer first surfaced.  In her haste to cast June from her life she had completely forgotten what a dear friend and companion June had been to Bianca. 

April, June's mother, had left Paris and had cut June out of her life.  April still had feelings for Shane when June told her of her relationship with him and it was too much for her mother.  April felt betrayed by everyone in her life June, Shane, Junes Father with his affair.  June believed one day her mother would forgive her and wrote to her regularly so that when she did she wouldn't feel like she had missed anything.  June had heard that April was seeing someone now in Orlando where she had moved and June was elated with this news knowing that this new relationship would allow Aprils damaged heart an opportunity to heal eventually paving the road to their reconciliation.  Junes father had taken the news much better, sending her a nice stipend of money as a wedding gift.  While June and her Father were not close in a traditional sense, June still bitter about his leaving her mother, they too wrote and exchanged pictures.  Junes father now had a one year old little girl, whom June had not yet met and a little boy on the way.  Fate again was doing its tricky thing, June experiencing friction and exclusion in her family very much the way that Bianca had.  Bianca didnt rejoice in this, instead she was sympathetic to June, and glad to lend an ear when June needed one.  Perspective is a beautiful thing when it comes to finding solace and perspective was something Bianca had to offer her.  It felt good to be on the other side of sympathy, Bianca spent so much time receiving it that she felt that it made her whole to issue some.  Shane and June had even named Tyler and Bianca in their will to be the care taker of her brother if the unthinkable occurred, Bianca was really the only obvious choice but she found it touching and meaningful none the less.

As Bianca concluded her conversation with June Tyler walked through the front door, a large box tucked under his arm.  "Hi Baby!" Bianca was elated to see him home so early on a monday afternoon.
"Hey darlin, how are you and my little man doing this fine afternoon."
"we are terrific, what are you doing home at 2:oo? Late lunch, and whats in the box?"
"not lunch, home for the evening to hang with my beautiful wife," he ttok the box from under his arm and laid it on the granit counter top, "and this is a wedding gift from the fellas at work."
"ohh exciting" Bianca squealed crossing the kitchen to him and kissing him on the cheek.

"I know right?" Tyler grinned excitedly, his boyish charm showing through, his youth had been something Bianca had recognized in him lately. In the recent weeks Tyler had become very serious. He had been working long hours and although his consideration for Bianca never waned, there was little laughter or playfulness in their marriage.  The house, the cars, his job these were the things Tyler concerned himself with the most.  Bianca wondered if the intimacy between them would ever return,  even after the baby was born because it seemed Tyler was light years ahead of her maturity wise, it was something she tried not to give too much thought to because her mind was simply too full of all of her other concerns, but there was no denying that Tyler was annoyed by her lack of sophistication.  Bianca could only hope that he was consumed as she was with worry, and that in the same manner she had surrendered her worried mind to preparing a nursery for the baby he had surrendered to becoming a successful provider. "It's our first wedding gift baby" he said beginning to tear into the brown box. "Bianca threw her arm around his waist and watched as he excitedly unpacked a beautiful marble chess board.

"I guess you will have to teach me how to play" Bianca said poking Tyler in the ribs.

"Wanna play now?" He asked while be carefully unwrapped each chess peice. "I would love nothing more Bianca sweetly replied, excited to spend some quality time with him.

Tyler placed the king on the chess board and stared at it thoughtfully.  

"The name of the game Bianca, is to protect your king.  You have to be three steps ahead of your opponent. You have to anticipate the attack they are planning..." He placed the queen next to the king and tapped it looking at Bianca, "got to get rid of this pesky queen, she can move in any direction, as long as she is on the board, even if she's just hiding out, your chance of winning is always in jeopardy."  Bianca looked at him, puzzled by his seriousness.  She was certain that he was no longer talking about chess.

Bishop is coming

Bianca awoke to the sound of her ringing phone.  Tyler wasn't lying next to her anymore and this discovery sent her groggy mind into a panic.  "Tyler" she called out to him but there was no reply, he must be downstairs she thought.  She reached for her phone but had missed the call she quickly checked her call log, think that perhaps it had been Tyler calling.  A 662 area code, that was an Oxford area code.  Who on earth could be calling her from there, couldnt be June or her father they had the same area code but she had their numbers saved in her contact list.  She got her self out of bed and started down the stairs but froze in her tracks when a strong pain radiated from her lower back and wrapped around her abdomen.  She bent over and held tightly to the banister and after a few momnets the pain slowly dissapated.  Bianca made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen "Tyler!" She called out into the dark and seemingly empty house, still no reply.  Feelings of panic overwhelmed her, something was wrong, she could feel it in the depths of her soul.  She scanned the kitchen looking for anything out of place, Tylers brief case was still on the floor where he had left it, the chess board still sitting on top.  A yellow legal pad sat next to the chess board, she recognized Tylers handwriting on it.  Quickly she snatched it up and began reading:

"Bianca, I didnt want to wake you or stress you out about this.  Headed to Oxford, recieved word that mother is working up a real mess and I need to handle it in person.  Flying into the airport at ole miss, will return no later than thursday but aiming for tomorrow.  Dont worry, will call you tonight. I love you. --- Tyler"

"what in he the hell is this?" Bianca shouted to no one in her frustration.  She glanced up at the clock on the microwave 5:12, all of this had happened in less than three hours.  Her mind was racing, what was Barbara up too, what could possibly warrant Tylers speedy departure.

The pain in her lower back swelled again, and in the same manner as before wrapped around her abdomen tightening and aching the pain was blinding she thgre her hands on the kitchen island to steady herself and in he process knocked all of the chess peices off of the counter and onto the the slate kitchen floor.  I have to calm down Bianca thought, My panic must be bringing on cotractions.  After a few moments the contraction subsided.  BIanca took a few deep calming breaths before begining to pick up the chess peices from the floor. "Oh no, they all broke and we didn't even get to play." She said as she plucked up broken peices, but she discovered one peice had survived the fall, a little white one.  She stood up and examined it, it was the first time she had even handled the game peices, it was cold and smooth, the material felt like ceramic or maybe clay. she rolled the little statue around in her hand checking for sins of damaged but it was perfect.  She opened directions that had come with the game which had been lying under the gameboard.  The game peice was a bishop, she read more about it, learning that each player had two.  "One bishop sits beside the queen, and one by the king" she read to herself quietly still marveling that this one figure hadnt shattered like the rest, then a contraction came on like a rolling thunder, more intens than the last two, which she had thought impossible as the tightness squeezed her abdomen she felt the gush of fluid roll down her legs and watched it puddle beneath her.  "Oh my God, my water, my water broke! Hes coming!" she looked back at the little bishop she was holding in her hand and smiled, "Bishop is coming".

Carl who?

"Tyler, what's going on?" Bianca asked off put by his cryptic insinuation.
"It's nothing babe, my mother is stirring things up to something back home, trying to complicate things with my trust fund, trying to add stipulations to it or someting , it's nothing to be concerned about, I'm handling it."
"Have you spoken with her?"
"No, and I wont. Carl told me."  Bianca stared blankly at Tyler for a moment searching her mind for the name Carl.

"Carl?"

"Yes Carl Baxter, my families attorney."  Bianca flashed back to the morning in waco in that blindingly bright diner and the tall and intimidating man who had brought her the hush money.

"Yes, Ive met him." Bianca replied embarrassed 

"I'm aware." Tyler added blandly as he placed the remaining chess pieces on the game board. "Dont worry yourself. I really dont want to discuss it, whatever shes doing isnt going to work, shes just desperate to be involved in my affairs."  Bianca was exhausted with this secret account and the lack of candidness on Tylers behalf, what happened to honesty she wondered.  He doesnt want to discuss it, what a surprise, he never wanted to discuss the money. He knew everything about her she had no secrets but she felt as if Tyler was covered in them. Bianca could tell from the look on his face that now was not the time to ruffle his feathers and dredge up the argument she was dying to initiate so she decided instead to address the issue of Tylers interaction Carl Baxter.

"I didnt know you were friendly with Mr. Baxter"

"I'm not really.  Hes no longer my families attorney, they've replaced him, he wanted to say good bye and wish me well and to give me a heads up about my mothers meddling.  Its not that extraordinary Bianca, Ive know the man since I was a child."

"I wasnt saying it was extordinary" Bianca snapped back at Tyler who was clearly being overly defensive, "I just hadnt heard you make any mention of him, I just wondered what the nature of your relationship was or how often you spoke with him.  It feels like there is an awful lot about your life I dont know much about these days, your not offering up explainations so I have to ask.  Why are you being so defensive?"

"Im not doing this with you right now Bianca, your being hyper sensitive. I have enough on my mind without all of your suspiscions.  Im going to go lie down."

"Tyler! Are you kidding me, no one is suspiscious and its like 2:30 in the afternoon your seriously going to go lay down instead of playing chess with me? I miss you."

"darlin' Im sorry, you know the way I have been working please dont give me a hard time about layin down, Im just exhausted and testy.  I love you, maybe you want to come nap with me? After the baby comes I dint think we will have many oppertunities like this, we can ;play chess tonight."  Bianca nodded, she was dissapointed that he had cut their gametime off before it even started but of course she could understand his exhaustion. "sure babe," She said, "Let me just clean up this stuff and Ill be right up.  With that she began gathering the cardboard and tissue that had been in the chess box to throw away before heading upstairs for a mid afternoon nap.

Checks and balances

The weeks that followed in the rented estate on lake Travis hadn't been as dreadful as Bianca had feared.  Bianca now 34 weeks pregnant was staring directly into her fate with Dr. Leck wanting to deliver the baby in just four weeks. Though Tyler was working tirelessly trying to make a name for himself and she found herself alone most of the time, she kept busy decorating and preparing for the baby.

The room she and Tyler had decided to make the nursery was actually a sitting room attached to the master bedroom.  It had both an entrance from the hallway and through glass french doors in the master suite.  Bianca loved that she could see into the nursery from her bed.   They hadn't yet been able to agree on a name for the baby. Tyler had wanted a family name which Bianca found odd because neither his brother Trent nor Tyler had family names. Additionally he names he was suggesting were, in Bianca opinion, dreadfully pretentious. 

She had commissioned painters and decorators to help with the nursery and it was quickly becoming a spectacular space. She chose shades of Robins egg blue and pale Yellow for the walls, with little yellow chick's for the theme.  The room had a lovely crystal chandelier hanging from the center of a step ceiling with a intricate plaster molding above it.  Tyler hadn't been thrilled with this room being their selection, he had envisioned it being sophisticated and more like a library then the pastel paradise it was becoming, but he wanted Bianca happy so he had reluctantly agreed.  The crib was white and sat against the wall directly across from the glass doors. Behind it was an accent wall painted with a large harlequin pattern in blue and yellow. A sheer white canopy hung  from the tall ceiling above the crib drawn open and tied with corded golden curtain ties with large tassels at the ends. To the right of the crib a large plush yellow chenille glider and matching ottoman,  And to the left, caddied in the corner a white changing table that matched the crib with elaborate decorative carvings on the wooden drawers and the front of the shelves. There was another set of french doors that matched those the led into the master suite on the center of the back wall that opened to a charming round balcony.  The balcony reminded Bianca of romeo and Juliet with its tapered white spindles, it over looked the front lawn. Large picture windows on both sides, combined with the glass doors allowed the room to be flooded with beautiful natural light. This delighted her because Bianca had read this sort of light was very good for babies. Sheer, White linen curtains hung all the way across the back wall with white black out curtains behind, so when she needed the room dark, or private, she could draw them closed. For the time being she had kept them opened, held open  with the same tasseled curtain ties as those that held the chiffon canopy on either side of the crib.  

The crib it's self had a tall, solid, scalloped backboard with carved scroll work adorning it, this would one day convert into a headboard for a full sized bed.  Bianca had allowed Tyler to choose the furniture in an effort to have him feel more involved in the creative process, she insisted only that his selections be white. True to the Holt atheistic he had selected the most grand changing table and crib he could find.  He had done well though, The furniture played off of the chandelier and the over all grandeur of the space beautifully. 

 With exception of the accent wall all of the walls in the room were pale blue and all of the trim was yellow, excluding the crown molding along the top of the walls that remained bright white.  Little white shelves were staggered on the wall next to the hallway door, they were shallow and white matched the crown. These shelved housed mirrored picture frames and little yellow ceramic chicks.  The overall feel of the room was sweet and airy, it evoked a feeling of peace and happiness in Bianca whenever she entered it, she was already spending most of her time in the nursery sitting in her yellow chenille glider, daydreaming about rocking her newborn son.

 

The rest of the home did not need to be painted. The owners had chosen a sophisticated palette that was already  as close to perfect as Bianca believed it could be.  Tyler and Bianca chose heavy dark wood and stately brown leather furniture for their living area and bedroom, it seemed as though the house had insisted on it. 

Bianca had adjusted quite easily to spending Tyler's mysterious family money not before many conversations with Tyler in which he insisted that she become comfortable with the lifestyle he expected for them.  It annoyed her that she had no control of the finances, or any idea of how much money they had at their disposal, she felt like a child with a ridiculous allowance.  Tyler had set up a checking account for her, at the beginning of each week the balance was restored to $10,000.00, it was her allowance.  He had his own account from which he paid all of the bills with exception of her new Mercedes glk250 suv that he had insisted she finance in her name to build her credit, that payment was drafted from her account on the first of every month. She loved her new car, it was luxurious and top of the line but she missed her little Volkswagen beetle and all that it had stood for. Tyler insisted she needed something more practical for she and the baby, and he was right, but she thought the Mercedes was far from practical.  She was learning quickly that her perception of practicality differed greatly from the new, rich and powerful Tyler Holt's.

The exhaustion that had plagued her while she was working hadn't left her, however being able to rest when it came over her had made it more tolerable.  She was experiencing lots of pain and pressure in her lower abdomen. Sometimes the shooting pain from what she assumed was her cervix was debilitating. The pains served as a constant reminder of the cancer that was growing inside of her along with the baby, every time Bianca felt joy she simultaneously felt dread, it was a treacherous system of checks and balances within her.

Inherent Royalty

"I don't know if it's wise, Tyler, that's all I'm saying, I'm not saying I'm opposed to it, i just think we should discuss it."  Bianca walked over to the island in the kitchen where Tyler was was chopping vegetables to the stir fry he was making for dinner, in celebration of their one month marital anniversary.

The union occurred that afternoon after her doctors appointment.  To Bianca's amazement, Tyler had arranged everything beforehand.  He had a signed letter from a judge he had established a rapport with allowing them to marry the same afternoon the marriage certificate was issued, this allowed them to bypass the mandatory three day waiting period. The event was short and sweet and even though it was simply a peice of paper it changed everything.  She was Bianca Holt now, it was who she had wanted to be since she met Tyler in Oxford at that party that felt to have been decades ago. It was who she almost became in Mississippi, but that Bianca Holt would have faced a considerably different fate. This Bianca Holt was centuries wiser than the former. She and Tyler had redefined their love, and this revision had made their relationship everything it was capable of being, it perfected their desire for each other, for better or for worse.

Tyler had papers written up siting the management group for her apartment complex for lease violations, repairs that weren't completed in a timely manner, a broken security gate at the entrance, a covered parking space not having ever been provided to Bianca, and several other infractions.  This allowed her to break her lease without penalty and move into a sprawling rental home near Lake Travis in with Tyler.  It was far more home than they needed, but the fabulous Tyler Holt had decided it was where they needed to be.  He had just taken the Texas Bar a week earlier and was showing great promise in the prosecutors office. There had never been any question that Tyler Holt would be an incredible success, it didn't seem to matter where he was. His inherent success was universal. The house was extravagant, 5,000 square feet 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms.  It had a chefs kitchen and stunning views of the lake.  Bianca was certain that she was the only 20 year woman in Austin living in a house like it it seemed ubsurd to her, they didn't even have enough furniture to fill even one room. Tyler was going to be a prince wherever he called home, it was what he was.  Money was no issue at all, Tyler had a substantial account, the origin of which had never been clear to Bianca, he had come into it upon passing the Mississippi bar.  She did understand that it was family money that came from much further back than Bufford and Barbara and that they had no say in the issuing of it.  She did not know how much was in it, she didnt even know that he had this trust coming to him Tyler had never mentioned it before.  She wondered if some of Barbaras crazy behavior could be explained by her own knowledge of it.  Whatever the story was the young Tyler Holt wasn't telling it.  Bianca had done well with her money as well.  She had been very frugal, saving every penny she could it hadn't been difficult for her in her days of solidarity, she really had nothing to spend it on or anyone to spend it with.  In addition she still had every penny of her hush money.  She had been keeping it for medical expenses, however, she hadn't had any.   Dr. Leck was paid in full and if she understood correctly, any expenses for the hospital involving the baby were also taken care of.  When Bianca arrived in Austin she had applied for state assistance which had been an exhaustive process with her having just recently taken residence in Texas.  She hypothesized that somehow that assistance had been pushed through and covered her pregnancy and delivery. She didn't  discuss this with Tyler. He would never approve of this sort of aid, for someone like himself, government assistance paying for his child would be embarrassing and Bianca didn't see any point in stirring it all up.  The bills were covered everything was all set. There was no reason to change or jeopardize that.  There would be ample oppertunity for expense in their future with her cancer treatment, even with insurance.  Tyler would be able to add the baby and herself at open enrollment in August, just in time with the baby due mid September.

Bianca wasn't feeling well, she hadn't been feeling well for two weeks now. It was a fact she hadn't shared with Alice Leck at her last appointment and one she did plan on sharing at her appointment tomorrow. Only Tyler knew, and he knew very little of the actual scope of discomfort and exhaustion, she didn't know that it was the cancer making her feel ill, she was 26 weeks and based on what she read in her various literature pregnancy in and of itself can make one pretty uncomfortable and tired. Tyler, despite his scant understanding of her troubling ailments, was none the less insistent that she quit her job and rest herself in preparation for the obstacles ahead, but Bianca liked her job.  She liked feeling like she could stand on her own and she felt marginally important, it was the only credential she had. She hadn't finished school or become an entrepreneur, she was just a girl, a sick pregnant girl with an exceptional husband without her little government job.

"Bianca, is there no end to you irrationality?! Of course it is wise. What is unwise is you perpetually burning your wick at both ends."

She knew he was right. She knew she had to wrap her head around days on end in their vacuous home resting and growing bigger with child and weaker with disease.  She spent a moment searching for the positive and decided she would have to revisit that sentiment another time. For now she would just have to accept it, positive or not.

Her burden, his privilege

"Well Bianca, the baby looks great. The lesions on you cervix, however are of great concern to me." April was washing her hands at the sink in the exam room. "Bianca, I know it's difficult to consider your cancer while you have so much going on with the baby," she cut her eyes to Tyler then looked back to Bianca "and everything else, but your a very sick girl. Your 22 weeks along, just passed the halfway point but I need to know that you understand that proceeding with this pregnancy and postponing treatment will absolutely result in a devastating blow to your overall health, as well as really dimish the likelihood that we will be able to contain the cancer or have it respond to treatment."  Bianca couldn't believe  dr. Leck had changed her tone so much since the last visit, was the cancer that much worse, or was was her pessimism a product of her mysterious and unfounded  resentment for Tyler. whatever her reasons were, the change in tone was a devastating one.

Bianca realized she must have looked pretty pitiful because whenTyler began rubbing her shoulders she found that she was slumped over her belly her shoulders raised almost to her ears as if she was unknowingly coiling into a fetal position. She quickly sat herself up straight, "Okay, I understand. I want to stick with our plan, I don't want to change anything. Let the chips fall were they may."

Bianca didn't see any other way to handle the situation. Nothing had changed really, she knew that the cancer would progress in the duration of her pregnancy, the warning from the doctor just felt so condemning, and hopless.  She glanced up to Tyler, worry written across his brow, he had nothing to add to the conversation, Bianca knew that the cancer had just become real to him and it hurt her heart just the way she knew it would when he finally felt the heaviness of her burden. She was glad he was there, though she felt sad and frightened she no longer felt alone.
"Alright Bianca, then we will proceed in the manner we discussed, I'll want to see you every two weeks now so stop at the desk on your way out and set that appointment." With that Alice shook Tylers hand again, then gave Bianca a sympathetic pat on her knee before leaving the room.

Alone now with Tyler, Bianca had no idea how to begin a conversation so she decided against initiating one completely. After several moments of silence while Bianca dressed behind the curtain in the exam room she was relieved when Tyler finally spoke. "You ok babe?" He asked causiously.
"Well, yes, I mean it's never nice to hear cancer is overtaking your reproductive system, but it really isn't new news to me." She drew the curtain back and emerged in her maxi dress and flip flops, purse slung across her body ready to go.  Tyler took his hand in hers and escorted her out to reception. This act, holding hands, was not something new that Bianca and Tyler shared they had always done it when it was appropriate, perhaps it was the absence of other physical intimacy between them now, or maybe it was the loneliness Bianca had become accustomed to, but now holding Tylers hand was electric.  It sent pulses of current through her body and it was magical.

    "How do I say goodbye to my heart, how do I give up on you, you have to feel it too, just get to know me, let me just know you."  That song they heard in the diner was playing in the reception area on a little radio behind the desk. Tyler gave Bianca's hand a little squeeze and she laid her head on his arm. "I think this is our song now Tyler said gently touching her baby bump, "it's the song for all three of us, we always seem to be together when we hear it." Bianca gave his arm a nuzzle and nodded in agreement.

The nurse at reception was friendly and dutifully set Bianca's next appointment. "What do I owe today, do you have my payment schedule ready?" Bianca asked.
"Nothing Ms. Shelk,  your all set. We will see you in two weeks" The nurse replied to Bianca's amazement.  The nurse handed her an appointment reminder card which Bianca hesitantly took as she and Tyler left the building.

"How about you Tyler, penny for your thoughts?" Bianca asked as she slid into the sedan, Tyler pushed the passenger door that he had been holding open for her closed and climbed into the drivers seat before responding.
" I think your beautiful." He said planting a kiss on her forehead. "I think this is tough stuff darlin', it was wonderful seeing the baby on the scan and hearing his heartbeat, but I think I've been in denial about how sick you are. You look healthy and you seem so normal, i guess it's just been easy to ignore." Without looking back at her but distantly staring out of the front window of the car he continued "but all of that's over now, no more pretending. It's not going to be easy. Really scary stuff doll."
" I know, im sorry. That's how it felt with mom, well, until it didn't. It's precisely what I was trying to protect you from, It's going to get ugly Tyler."
"Bianca, baby, your reasoning baffles me, you are either the most compassionate, caring person I have ever met, or the most oblivious."
"Oblivious?" Bianca asked,  tilting her head in query.
"Yeah oblivious. Oblivious to the fact that you are the victim. Oblivious that the people who love you want to help you and take care if you. Oblivious that supporting you isn't a burden, it's a privilege."

The words melted her troubled heart like butter. They were so comforting. Bianca was so glad Tyler Holt came back to her, if he left me now, she thought, I would never survive this despite what cancer may or may not do to me.  She looked out of her window as they passed the exit for her apartment. "You missed the exit babe." Bianca said patting his thigh.
"No I didn't, I want to go somewhere."
"I thought you had to go back to work?"
"I do, right after I finally make you my wife."

No more first names

Dr. Alice Leck ' s jaw dropped when she saw Tyler standing beside Bianca, this made Bianca blush.
"Alice, this is Tyler." Bianca sat perched on the edge of the exam table wearing a paper gown opening in the front just the way the nurse had instructed her Tyler stood handsome and confident next to her and shot his hand forward to shake Dr. Lecks , who readily received it.
"Nice to meet you Tyler, I must say I am a bit surprised to see you here!" Alice cut her eyes to Bianca who was still blushing and beaming at her handsome Beau. "Well Dr. Leck, i would be lying if I said I wasn't surprised I were here too." Tyler said with all of the confident charm that always flowed so naturally from him. Alice turned to Bianca "I was dissapointed to have not heard from you for our little ice cream social, but clearly you have been a busy girl!  What's this I hear of a concussion and some stiches?!" The doctor shot Tyler a disingeniune grin. Bianca shifted on the table uncomfortably "yeah, that's embarrassing," Bianca started, "freak accident for lack of a better explanation, i was bending down in front of the door and Tyler here flung it open at just the right time and I guess it hit in just the right place!" Bianca and Tyler giggled a bit and exchanged a knowing glance. Alice was not smiling  but was serious and spoke directly to Tyler "Well Tyler, I hope you will be more careful in the future, knocking your pregnant girlfriend out is rarely smiled upon."  With out missing a beat Alice turned to Bianca "okay Bianca, are we allowing Mr. Tyler here to stay during your exam, or would you prefer he step out?" Before Bianca could answer an offended Tyler interupted, "Pardon me Dr. Leck, but I think you may be misunderstanding my intentions here. Bianca is my fiancé, and I would never intentionally hurt her. I am the baby's father and, no disrespect intended, i feel your hostility is unwarranted. And it's Holt, Mr. Holt, but please call me Tyler, Bianca has informed me that we are all on a first name basis here, and even though I feel given the gravity of Bianca's predicament, a certain amount of professionalism is warranted, but I certainly won't make any snap judgments because that would just be ignorant on my part." Bianca turned bright red, it wasn't that she didn't feel Tyler had the right to feel offended, it was just that Alice had been the one person prior to Tylers return that Bianca felt tried to care for her and she had recieved her remarks in that intent.  Alice was undaunted by Tylers astuteness "of course Mr. Holt, my apologies.  We are all on the same page now and we all want a healthy baby and mommy, in my professional opinion your support could prove very, very beneficial.  Let's just start over. Hello Tyler, nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Alice Leck." She reached a hand out to Tyler that he shook with his other hand placed around it, in true shrewd business man manner, he was a Holt indeed. "Nice to meet you ma'am, and just let me tell you how highly Bianca thinks of you, thank you for taking such good care of us."

The bizarre exchange was almost like a power struggle, Bianca just wanted to pull a sheet over her head and dissapear she felt oddly flattered but far more embarrassed, it was if she was watching an old boyfriend and new one getting ready to duke it out.  She found herself questioning why Alice was so impartial to Tyler, and so invested in herself after just one appointment but she quickly dismissed hee concerns in the name of optimism, ever since her Shiney new Bianca revelation the night that Tyler came to her in Austin she had really been striving to be more open to positivity.

Tyler was completely cool. Relaxed, natural and charming. He had been in Austin with Bianca for three weeks and in that time had already landed a job with the state prosecutor who was willing to take him on even before he passed the Texas bar exam that wouldn't be administered until the end of July in about a month. Tyler was extrodinary there was no doubt about it. He and Bianca had Fallin right back into the stride of their relationship only it was so much better without the oxford and Holt family stigma lingering in the shadows of their every move. Aside from the lack of sexual intimacy, Bianca thought their relationship perfect. Barbara had not stopped trying to contact Tyler, but he would give her nothing. Not a word. And as far as Bianca knew Barbara had no idea where they were actually located. He had fled oxford In the exact same manner as Bianca, no good byes no tying up of loose ends just perfect reckless abandonment of his old life. He had done his best to not burn any bridges with his old firm, but they were certainly unimpressed with the flighty Tyler Holt, they had severed his contract and not inflicted any penalties for his very early termination, no doubt a direct result of the Holt name and his father's intervention in the proceedings. Bufford had spoken only once with Tyler that Bianca was aware of, she hadn't personally witnessed the exange, but Tyler had told her that Bufford claimed to have had no idea of the hush money issued to Bianca and had told Tyler he would handle the situation and Barbara Holt himself. Tyler said he had his father's blessing to move forward with his life however he felt driven too and that the money and the agreement Bianca signed would not be a problem. Bianca couldn't believe how simply it had all seemed to resolve. She felt as if the heavens had shone her great favor, and she in no way felt entitled to it. But in the name of her positive revelation she accepted this good favor with a grateful and humble spirit so she and Tyler could move forward untainted by their past. 

Tyler had forced Bianca to come clean to Shane, "no more secrets" he had said, "if we are going to make it all of our cards need to be showing all the time, and if we are going to fix all of our disfunction and try to live peacefully it's important that your father be aware of your health and be ready to welcome his grandson."

Shane wasn't too surprised with the news, Bianca thought he may have even found some peace in it. Shane had not ever understood Bianca's irrational behavior and was afraid she had simply fallen off of the deep end.  Shane and June and the planned to come to Austin just before Bianca was set to deliver, to stay and help and provide much needed support for a few weeks while surgeries and treatments commenced. Finally all felt right in Bianca's world again.

"Okay then!," Dr. Leck chirped "let's have a look Ms. Shelk, I think it's safe to assume  Mr. Holt will be staying for the duration of today's visit." All three of them shared an awkward chuckle, the observation nurse standing quietly in the corner broke her silence and let out a sigh as she rolled her eyes. No more first names, Bianca thought to herself. Interesting.

Love lost or found

Sitting across the Table from Tyler in the diner was a delicious and welcomed treat. He and Bianca had returned to her apartment after the emergency room to shower and get dressed. They had made a quick stop at the mall so Tyler could pick up a few things to wear, in his haste to reach Austin he hadn't packed anything, and he had insisted on going to American Eagle Outfitters because he would only wear their jeans. Bianca was delighted that he wanted to pick some things up because it indicated his intent to stay for a little while, something she was reluctant to ask him about, unsure if she would be happy with the answer. From the mall to the supermarket for some toiletries then back to the apartment to put them to good  use. He was groomed and shaven, his new slimmer figure no less gorgeous than his former robust athetlic one.

Her months of celibacy in conjunction with her raging pregnant hormones were pushing her ravage him, but she knew that intimacy was probably very unlikely in the immediate future.  The last time Tyler had seen her she was thin and fit, she in no way resembled the flatulent, bloated round version of herself that sat before him now. He was excited about the baby and Bianca figured that the loss of physical attraction on his behalf was only to be expected, that this sort of attraction could return after the baby was born and her figure returned to its former, in the meantime it was replaced with anticipation of the new life that was coming. She expected that her body was little more to him than an incubator growing this life, respected but certainly not sexually provacative. That pained her, it was a brand new pregnancy side effect for her, she hadn't had to consider before.  She felt connected to every other pregnant woman in the world, because this was something only they would sympathize with. How unfair that Tyler had lost weight while she was packing it on. The universe dropped another marble in the scale of justice on Tylers behalf. 

It was a warm and sunny afternoon, Austin was wet and bright green in contrast to the wet black asphalt from the rain the night before, the rain that had forced Tyler to slip into the terrifying black hooded sweatshirt he was wearing when he entered her apartment early that morning. The air was fragrant with wet earth and new yet perfectly aged romance. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky it was a perfect metaphor.  The calm after the storm, the troubling moisture evaporating into the heavens and leaving behind only renewal.

Bianca thought back to Oxford, to the kitchen of Tyler's house and the wedding announcement from her father.  How Tyler had said that June was fat, and that Bianca would still be perfect even pregnant, she was glad now that she had defended June to him.  She had never forgotten that exchange, she avoided any maternity clothes with floral prints because of the picture on that announcement.

"Well Ms. Shelk, i should note that you would be Mrs. Holt by now...had you not abandoned me, let's get on with this explanation." Tyler said casually throwing his arm on the back of the booth he was sitting in, and sipping his coffee. Here we go thought Bianca, she was unsure where to begin but decided to just start talking and let the words fall however they may.
"I have cancer." Bianca surprised herself, she hadn't invisioned those being the first words out and they sounded so casual, it was the first time she had said those words. Tyler sat quiet and pensive across the table waiting for more. "Pretty serious cancer. Like my mom."  Tyler leaned on the table on both of his elbows, his coffee cup in front of his mouth.  "When I collapsed trying on wedding gowns, well, when I went to the hospital, that's when I first learned of it...and the pregnancy." Tyler still watched her silently from over his coffee mug so she continued. "I didn't tell you then because the scope of it was still pretty unclear, but when you went to Jackson I went to the specialist I was referred too and found out it was pretty advanced.  The doctors were all advising that I terminate the pregnancy and have all of my affected organs removed..."
"Don't dumb it down babe.  My father's a surgeon, remember? So you mean a hysterectomy right?" Tyler interupted. Bianca thought for a moment about telling Tyler of his father's involvement that day, about how Bufford had been the one who delivered the first devastating blow of cancer knowledge and had been the provider her referrals, but she didn't see any need to complicate the story with those details yet, she just wanted to get it all out.
"Sorry, right, yes a hysterectomy. Well obviously that would mean no babies in our future, not in any traditional sense."
"My mother, she knew about this?"
"Yes, and she wasn't happy."
"And she told you to leave?"
"No, I left  on my own. I didn't want you to have a wife riddled with cancer and I knew I wasn't going to abort and there was question then about if the baby could even make it if I began trying to manage my cancer right away like the doctors were suggesting. I felt like any way I sliced it you ended up with a really sour outcome."
"So you thought it in my best interest to leave me.  You thought the best thing for me was to never know about your cancer or our baby?  Who am I to you? You thought that I would be happier without you, then with you while you were sick. Wait, are you treating the cancer, what treatment are you undergoing?" Tyler was coming at her full speed ahead.
"Yes. I have seen cancer play out Tyler. I watched my father suffer every moment of it with my mother. As far as the baby, I wanted to protect you, incase...well, incase I lost it. My doctor, she has said holding off on all treatment until the baby comes is a feasible option. So, no I'm not being treated but there is a plan in place now and one I feel pretty good about." Tyler was silent for a few moments staring into his empty mug that was now sitting on the table.
"You were wrong Bianca. I love you. I would have loved you the same, you leaving me is the most horrible thing I have ever felt. I want you healthy or sick, pregnant or not, sterile, bald, paralyzed. I love you."
"I see that now babe," Bianca reached over and grabbed his hand. "I am so sorry, I wasn't thinking straight, i was confused and scared and in no position to feel anything really, but being with you now is the happiest I have been since this all began.  But there's a little more. I don't know how to say it so I'm just going to say it straight.  I accepted a large sum of money from your mother to stay away from you and not sully your future in politics." Tyler slowly raised his eyes to hers the intesinity in them obvious.
"What." He asked visibly furious.
"I needed the money, I'm sorry. The things she was saying...her plan...she didn't want the baby, she--"
"How much did she give you?" He asked emotionless
"100,000 dollars" Bianca nearly whispered her head hanging in shame.  More silence from Tyler.  The waitress approached the table with a coffee pot to refill Tylers mug and take their order. He covered his glass and waved her away. 

The only sound Bianca could hear was the song playing in the diner. She had heard it before, several times on her way to Austin  founit applicable to her situation:

"How do I say goodbye to my heart, how do I give up on you, you have to feel it too, just get to know me, let me just know you."

Finally Tyler spoke. " I like this song alot"
Bianca smiled "I do too." She said. They listened quietly to the song for a moment before Tyler spoke again " well I'll be damned, i never thought she was capable of it.  My brother, he told me she propositioned Avery once, but I never really believed it. He said that's why Avery took that transfer to Atlanta."
"I signed something"
"It doesn't matter. None of it does. I'm done with that woman, but I'm not done with you."
Bianca felt her face flush, she didn't know where this could possibly go.
"Darlin' I'm never gonna be done with you, never. I'm not going anywhere. I think I'm going to like Austin."

A gash and an imminent inquisition

After inspecting Bianca's head Tyler had concluded that she probably needed stitches and she suspected that she had a concussion.  After placing an uncomfortable phone call to her new employer to take the day off of work, Bianca loaded into her car and allowed Tyler to drive her to the emergency room.

The brief ride was all but quiet. As incredibly awkward as everything should have been after the events of the morning, there was no strangeness between them at all.  Bianca told Tyler all about her new job and how lucky she felt to have landed it. Tyler told her of his passing the bar and landing a job as a defense attorney at one of his father's colleague's firms, a job he was surprised he had been certain he had gotten only because of his father because he had been minimally functional after Bianca had left. Their hands were interlaced tightly and laid upon the center console, Tyler stroked her fingers with his own. Bianca didn't want to let go of him, afraid that if she did she would wake up and be alone on her sofa again and this would all have been some strange nightmare turned sweet dream.  She avoided any talk of why she had left, or of Barbara or cancer, and it was surprisingly simple they had so many other things to discuss.
"June had her baby."
"Yes I know," Tyler replied. Oops, Bianca thought. Of course, he had spoken to her father, it must have been how he had found her. Damn it dad, Bianca thought.
"How ironic that we are having a boy." Tyler added, oblivious that he alone had known that. Bianca eyes swelled with tears, not only because now she knew the gender of the sweet soul inside of her, but also because her baby had become their baby and this was an unbelievably jubilant sentiment.
"Your crying? We're you dissapointed it is a boy, you were hoping for a prissy little Bianca, not a goofy little Tyler?" He quipped.
"No, I didn't know the gender...that envelope in your pocket, i hadn't know what it said inside, I never looked at the sonogram, i wasn't sure I wanted to know." Tyler looked at her a little confused and with regret written across his eyes. "No, it's good, I'm glad you found out first, I was waiting for the moment to feel right and it just hadn't yet. But this is the most perfect way to find out I can imagine." She said smiling up at him and lifting his hand to her lips to plant a soft peck. Tyler smiled mildly back, obviously retreating back into all of the unresolved questions in his mind.  Bianca, recognizing his retreat, squeezed his hand "I know you have alot of questions you need answered, i have alot of explaining to do, and I will explain everything. But just please know that your being here with me means everything. Know that I love you and that whatever you decide to do with the answers to your questions is going to be fine with me. Right now though, in this moment, all I feel is happiness and I want to hang onto that until after this hospital visit."
Tyler  smiled at her kindly before replying "I'm happy too, yes full of questions, but seeing you, and we are having a baby! Darlin' I just don't have words, I think I'm in shock. I can't tell you how sorry I am that the door smacked your pretty head, I was just trying the doorknob on the off chance...and well it was... then you were trying to kill me...it's all a blur. I didn't know you were bleeding and when you were unconcious I went to get ice, when I was looking for something to put it in i found that letter from the doctors office, and obviously I was a little suprising to see that you were pregnant, I thought I may find some answers."
"I know, I understand it's okay I'm fine, and glad you found the letter." It must have been what he had been muttering in the kitchen. "I'm assuming my father told you where I was?" Tyler looked puzzled
"He knew? When I spoke to him he acted as if he didn't know anything, that sonofa..."
"No, he didn't know, not then anyway and he doesn't know about the baby, but anyway more on that later, how did you find me?"
"Your email. You left it signed in on your laptop.  You sent an email with your tax information to human resources for your job, it was in your sent items. Your address was in there.  I had checked it everyday, your email, trying to get some clue where you were or what was happening but you weren't checking your email or sending anything until, well, until you did."  Wow, Bianca thought, I hadn't thought of that.
"Tyler did you tell anyone where I was?"
"No, I left as soon as I read it. I didn't even bring anything, I just left to find you. Are you in some kind of trouble?" Bianca laughed a little, was she? She wasn't sure.
"Well, I don't know, now that your here I maybe in a bit of a predicament. Until I can tell you everything, don't tell anyone that you are here with me okay?" Tyler raised an eyebrow at her inquisitively "please, I'll explain later I promise." He nodded.
"Alright babe, but I'm getting real eager to hear these explainations."
"I know. Let's just get through these stitches first." She gave him a pat on the leg as they pulled into a parking space in front of the emergency room.

The end of paternal oblivion

"What?!" Bianca asked no less terrified then she had been prior to discovering that her assailant was Tyler.

Tyler set her down and turned her body to face him. His face was drawn dark circles  surrounding his seemingly sunken eyes that appeared to glow like blue neon against the contrast.  Tylers body was thin and his hair and facial hair was uncut and ungroomed. He stared into her eyes with intensity unmatched by any he had exhibited in her presence before. He looked frightening. Holding both of her arms against her body and bending his tall body down so that he could be exactly eye level with her he asked again "is the baby mine, Bianca. Is it my baby?" For a moment she considered lying, telling him that it wasn't his then begging him to go away without further discussion, but she didn't...she couldn't, do that. As foreign as he appeared, and as menacing as his presence seemed she  had missed his blue eyes. She had missed all of him so much.
"Yes...yes Tyler of course it is." She said looking sadly into his eyes.  Without a word he collapsed to his knees sobbing both of his hands covering his face. Bianca didn't know what to do or say.  Comforting him seemed appropriate but she had no idea if it really was anymore, she didn't know what they were anymore. Her head was still pounding, and she could still feel the blood trickling down her cheek. She just stood there and waited for whatever was going to be next.
He sobbed for what felt like an hour, but in actuality it was only a few moments before he lifted his head and threw his arms around her pressing his lips to the belly holding his baby.  Instinctively Bianca placed her hands on his head signaling her acceptance of his behavior.

Without lifting his head or moving his body he spoke in a soft choked voice. "Why would you leave me then? Why would you run away with our baby and leave me? I didn't even know you were pregnant, i didn't know anything accept you didn't want me. Why, Bianca? Why didn't you want me? Did you even, ever love me?"

Bianca's heart was broken staring into his familiar, abandoned, and forbidden eyes. He looked desperate and mortally injured, he looked the way she felt.  Her isolation had obviously devastated him, how had she successfully convinced herself her would feel any differently. How had she managed to make him disposable.  She was recognizing now that all of this strength that she thought she possessed was no more than a monumental  personality flaw. First Shane and June, now Tyler. People cannot be tossed out of one's heart so simply, it was just a lie Bianca had become an expert at telling herself.  Fate wouldn't allow her to continue this way, disconnected and cold. Her love kept returning to her, a true testiment to the greatness of God. Love is so much greater than a silly girls perception of how to behave when life treats her unfairly. Love continues long after we decide to leave it. She may have left love, but love had not left her. Life was unfair to Bianca she accepted that long ago,but life in this application had, nothing to do with salvation and this revelation was one she would spend the rest of her life accepting.  This new perspective that had shone divinely apon her in the wee small hours of morning would finally result in Bianca's  new beginning. She felt all of her angst and resentment melt away from her.  She felt unafraid of her secrets and wanted to strip herself bare of them, to uncover the girl she was beneath them all and let the truth of that discovery allow her to feel happiness and embrace her fate with joy, regardless of how everything would find it's self resolved.  If cancer were to take her, let it. If her baby was not meant to walk the surface this cruel earth, so be it.  Bianca was simply passing through mortality anyway on her way to something greater, she was done letting her simple mind keep her from loving every moment.  She wanted love and all of its undefined graces.  She wanted Tyler.

"Tyler, I always loved you, I still love you. That's why I left."

"My mother, she knew about the baby?" Tyler asked fury boiling up in his question.  Bianca didn't know where to begin it was a question that required so much explanation and her head...she couldn't even clearly recall the order in which the ordeal had unfolded. Her head was full of pain and revelation.

"Tyler, I want to tell you everything, but my head is..." It was as if Tyler suddenly snapped back into the present and noticed Bianca's injury for the first time.

"Oh my God Bianca, your bleeding baby. Sit down, let me get a towel and see what's going on." Tyler helped ease her onto the sofa gently. As he turned to scurry into the kitchen Bianca noticed the envelope from the from the doctors office opened and hanging half way out of the back pocket of his blue jeans. How ironic, she thought, that Tyler would see the photograph and learn the sex of their baby before she had, Bianca's scale of secrets was no longer tipped only in her favor. Fate was trying fervently to restore some inkling of balance to her life, rewarding her for listening to God's voice and quieting the mind of her own. How bizarre that all of those prayers for protection she had been reciting in her head during the events of that morning had actually been answered.  How funny, she thought, that her own mind was truly her assailant all along.