Setting the Bar for deception.

Tyler Holt walking through the exam room door was a visual feast for Bianca's scattered emotions.  Despite the dim fluorescent light in the hospital he seemed to glow.  Bianca studied the expression on his face without considering the expression on her own.  Had she considered what her own face must have looked like, she may have been better prepared for his panicked demeanor. "What the hell is going on?!" He asked as he hugged him mother with one arm half heartedly on his was to Bianca's bedside. "Mother, called she said you collapsed while you were trying on a wedding dress." 
"I don't know Tyler, my abdomen cramped up, it felt like a Charlie hoarse but, like inside, it hurt so badly I couldn't get on top of it.  Bar--- you'r mom insisted we come here, and while I was doubled over it seemed like a good idea." Bianca tried for a natural sounding chuckle but instead a nervous cackle came through as she lifted her eyes to the already enlightened Barbara Holt.

Mrs. Holt took Tyler by the hand and plead for him to look and listen to her. "Hunny, I am so sorry I bothered you with this!" She truly was a master of puppets.  Bianca sat poised on the side of a hospital bed clutching the sides of her paper gown together, keeping to herself the burden of her diagnosis thus far.  Barbara thought it best that Tyler not be upset by the possibility of a pregnancy  that perhaps  never was the day before his bar exam.  She had  stroked Bianca's hair softly and behaved so motherly after Bianca candidly disclosed the doctors concerns. She carressed Bianca sweetly  with one hand and embraced her, heart to heart, holding her with the other arm. "Oh angel, these things happen.  It us heartbreaking but miscarriage isn't as rate as you may think.  I lost a baby, before Trent, but then went on to have two perfectly healthy children.  Tyler is so sensitive, you know that though.  I think it is important that we remember that while heaven reclaimed and angel that our lives must go on.  Tyler has his bar exam tomorrow, I think it's a bad idea to upset him before, especially because we don't know what's happened yet, I mean it's not only his future we are talking about now, it is yours as well.  All of the pain and confusion will still be there after the test, and you can confide in him then. Let's keep our priorities in check dear." 

This made perfect sense to Bianca at the time.  Tyler needed be worried or saddened, Bianca could shoulder the burden on her own until after the bar ecam.  She felt responsible for it. If this were a miscarriage then her very own body had failed not only Bianca, but Tyler as well.  This was just another shortcoming to add to Bianca's list of reasons that Tyler should be with someone else. The doctor had ordered an ultrasound but the technician was unable to inform Bianca one way or another of what she saw, the results had to be reviewed by her doctor. She didn't feel pregnant, and the cramping accompanied by some bleeding now, and Barbara being so certain that this was a lost pregnancy and having experienced it herself, Bianca was prepared for this news, she had already deemed it real.

"Bianca probably has a little blood clot, or a little cyst somewhere, it's really nothing to worry about. You know how these things go, the doctors have to check everything out to cover their liability, it's nothing new, just like your daddy does." Barbara continued.  Mrs. Holt was so convincing it wasn't difficult for Bianca to go along with this story.  Tyler cut his eyes to Bianca who was nodding in approval.  "We will probably be here all evening, the emergency room is busy and understaffed.  You need to use the precious little time you have left to study for tomorrow.  I will stay here with Bianca, and she's expressed that my company will suit her just fine.  We are going to get to know each other better, after all in a few short months she will be my daughter too!"

Tyler brushed his mother's hand from his mother's arm, and patted it to signal understanding and turned to Bianca a puzzled look on his face, most likely in regards to his Mother's inference that Bianca was content in her company. "Is that true, is that what the doctor told you?" Tyler asked her, the  worry on his handsome face only slightly dissapated. For a moment Bianca felt guilty not disclosing the real concerns, but she preferred Barbaras account of it over the actual situation and her guilt quickly relinquished to resolve.  It was a gift she could give Tyler not to worry him with what may have happened. "Yes, babe. Your mother has been wonderful, and we have really had a chance to connect with each other this afternoon, and the doctors aren't acting concerned, like your mother said, they are just covering their bases. You should go on home and study and I'll call you right away if something weird happens, but don't worry it wont.  I have your mom here to keep me company, and there's not even anywhere for you to sit in here." Barbara flashed Bianca an approving smile before chiming in "Tyler, if I didn't know better, I would have thought she was just trying get out of dress shopping with me, I'm sorry I called I was just worried and under informed at the moment, I jumped the gun, I'm just sick you drove all the way down here for nothing. "  Tyler looked relieved, but a bit agitated too. "Bianca it's not really typical for you to double over on the floor"  Bianca nodded "no, it's not is it" she started chuckling, I haven't been taking very good care of myself and I was already a little dizzy and the pain was just so suprising I think I may have reacted a bit dramatically."

"Yes!" Barbara interjected "we have had an afternoon of silly women acting a bit too dramatically, get used to it Tyler baby, because your stuck with us and our silliness for the rest of your life. Now scoot counselor!"

"Bianca, your sure your okay? I could study here, my stuff is in the car?"

"I'm fine and there are too many distractions here. Maybe it's a blessing you have a few more hours in a empty house."

Just then a nurse walked in and announced the doctor had ordered an mri that he was going to wheel Bianca out for.

"See there, I bet it's a cyst, that's how they get a look them!" Barbara chirped.

"Okay, ladies, but I expect to be called with every new detail." Tyler bent and pecked Bianca sweetly. "And i will see you tonight Mrs. Holt".  Bianca caught Barbara rolling her eyes at Tylers last remark.  "I will call, I love you. See you tonight, happy studies".  With that Tyler left for home and a now very concerned Bianca was wheeled away for an MRI.

A Tragedy in its own rights

"What wrong with her?" Barbara hissed.  The doctor turned away from from Bianca, with whom she was speaking and turned toward Barbara astonished. "Pardon me?" The Dr. Asked genuinely surprised.  "What is wrong with her?" Barbara Holt stated again slowly and deliberately.  "I was speaking with Bianca, Ma'am.  I'm sorry, who are you?" The Dr. Scanned back to Bianca who was frozen in shock, her mouth agap, the doctor then turned who gaze back to Mrs. Holt who face was red, and was already replying. "I'm Barbara Holt, Bianca's...er... Bianca's fiancés mother."  Barbara was being so direct and aggressive it was as if she she was oblivious to how rude she was being, while Bianca knew she capable of this behavior she had never witnessed it before, it was truly embarrassing.  "Ms. Holt-" the doctor started carefully but Barbara cut her off "Mrs. Bufford Holt" Barbara sneered at the doctor using her glare to challenge the young woman to question her further after dropping her husband's name, who also happend to be a respected osteosurgeon affiliated with hospital. "Ah, yes of course, Bufford's wife.  I respect your husband greatly, however, unless Bianca wants you in the room, " the young doctor glanced inquisitively back at Bianca  who cast her eyes down towards the floor and shook her head swiftly "then I'm going to have to ask you to step out so I can speak to my patient." Bianca didn't look up at Mrs. Holt, she knew better. Exasperated Mrs. Holt spun on heel and stormed out of the hospital room "very well, then, no matter I'm calling Tyler..." she said as shut the door behind her with more force than necessary.

Bianca lifted her eyes to meet the doctors. "Ms. Shelk, as I was saying, it would appear that the cramping you were experiencing may be pregnancy related."  "Related?" Bianca asked "yes, your blood test shows that you are pregnant.  We need to proceed with more tests to determine if you are possibly having a miscarriage or if the pregnancy may be ectopic." 
"Ectopic?"
"This is when a fertilized egg implants itself somewhere other than the uterus."
"What sort of tests?"
"We will need to start with an ultrasound, your hormone levels are equivalent to that of a woman about 10 weeks along."
"10 weeks?!"
"Yes, numbers are tricky though.  You are considered four weeks on the first day of your missed period, these are all things that can discussed further later, but now I'm ordering an ultrasound to see where the egg has implanted, and we can go from there."
"Okay, okay thanks."  How could this be happening, Bianca thought.  One moment she was pulling on wedding gown, the next she was in the ER for blinding abdominal pain that's pregnancy related.  Bianca wouldn't indulge thoughts of pregnancy, not yet but...10 weeks...ectopic...miscarriage, my God there were so many conflicting options. Each carried a difficult reality. Each a tragedy in its own way.  Oh god, Bianca thought, Barbara.  Why did t b is have to happen while she was with Barbara - and what on earth was she out in the corridor telling Tyler. How cruel is fate that she would be forced to have only Barbara Holt to support her in this moment. 

Just then, as if summoned by her thoughts Mrs. Holt walked back into the exam room. "Well, Bianca?! What have you done?"

Twirling about between halt and Holt

"She's driving me crazy Tyler.  Babe, I'm not cut out for this...and she knows it." In the four weeks  since the engagement, the legendary queen Margaret Holt, Tylers mother had really dug her teeth and all of her free time into the planning of the wedding. A wedding Bianca couldn't even imagine but a marriage she could not live without.  To add to the insanity of it the date that Margaret had decided on for the wedding was the day after  June and Shane's baby was due and only three months away. Barbara was firm on the date wanting to precede the rush of June weddings already on her social  calendar  and to have an outdoor affair prior to the air feeling too "Mississippi swampy", the way she feared  and, in all fairness, would combat the comfort of their guests in an outdoor wedding during a Mississippi summer.  Bianca hadn't even mentioned the the proximity of the due date and wedding date to Tyler or Barbara because she had no intent of inviting Shane to the wedding, or being at all involved in the birth of her brother.

"Bianca, she means well."

"Well meaning or not, I don't have the stomach to plan this wedding with her.  I don't understand why she even wants me to go on these appointments.  I mean, she schedules them during my work hours. My boss is barely speaking to me because of all the time I'm missing, then I just sit there and listen to her do everything and pay for everthing.  Really she could just take it over, I don't care about this big wedding anyway."

Tyler , exasperated,ran his hand through his hair. "What do you mean darlin'?" "What girl doesn't want a fairy tale wedding?"

"This girl!" Bianca yelled annoyed and pointing with both hands to her own face.  Tyler grinned, Bianca seldom yelled and when she did he found humor in it because it seemed unnaturally dramatic.  He began gliding his office chair from the dining room into the kitchen, Bianca rolled her eyes at what she knew was his attempt to disarm her. Tyler rolled until he was positioned directly in front of her, she stood still, hands poised on her hips, avoiding his eyes and trying to stifle the smile that was fighting so hard to overtake her pursed lips.  Then in one swift movement her grabbed her, maneuvered her onto his lap while sending the office chair into a wild spin. "Tyler!" Bianca  squealed her arms and legs  flying in every direction  while he held her trunk stable to him with his arms around her waist. 

"Fair maiden..." He was putting on his best prince voice as he gently turned Bianca's face towards him and halted the twirl. "I am taking you as my princess, and the entire kingdom shall watch as we waltz across the ballroom."  With  that he began humming  a waltz gliding and twirling the across the kitchen in the squeaky office chair. Bianca was disarmed, she smiled and kissed his forehead before breaking free of his lap and the awkward kitchen waltz.

"Tyler, I get it.  I get that the wedding is important to you, but can't you see where I am coming from.  I don't have anyone to show off too.  My father won't be giving me away, my mother won't be crying in the pew as we exchange vows. It really has very little to do with me at all, and your Mother, uh I don't even know where to start there.  I wish we could just elope, all I care about is being married to you, it doesn't take all these bells an whistles, your my price charming, can't you just let this be ours...on a beach somewhere away from all of this?"

Tyler looked stunned, this was the first mention of any of these feelings from Bianca and he really hadn't considered her lack of a guest list beyond Shane not attending.  Bianca saw the surprise on his face.  She felt terrible, how could she just slay his wedding fantasies like this? After all she still felt incredibly lucky that he wanted to marry her at all, he was the prize and she was little more than a pretty face, or that's the way Bianca  (and undoubtedly Barbara Holt) saw it.  Was she really going to have a tantrum about a wedding that was so clearly important to Tyler and his family.  

"Bianca, babe, I am so sorry, I hadn't even considered that side of things..."  Bianca interuppted her prince before he could say anything further, "No Tyler, hold on, don't apologize to me. You don't owe me an apology for wanting to have a wedding, I'm just strung out...you know your mom, she's exhausting and the date is so soon, there's so much being done and so quickly, your mom is firm on the date at the end of may, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm sorry, I owe you the apology. Can we just forget I said that? "

Tyler looked releived.  He was glad that they could appease his mother's thirst for a grand event and he was more glad that he hadn't offended his lovely bride with his in consideration for her perspective. "Let's write it off as your first bridezilla attack" he said smiling.  Bianca put on her most genuine fake smile, still wanting nothing to do with this wedding ordeal. "You know with Trent and Avery mother didn't get to..." Tyler started but was once again interrupted by Bianca, "Oh lord, i know.  It's all your mother talks about at these appointments. The way Avery robbed her of her oldest sons wedding with her flight attendant shinanigans."  Bianca rolled her eyes and shook her hands above her head as she said shinanigans.  "I know she's a handful baby, but you've got this, after the wedding things will return normal and you won't have to even be on her radar.  It means alot to her, and as difficult as I know she is, I love her, and I want to make her happy." Tyler stood up and hugged his lovely bride to be. Bianca reciprocated his affection before rushing out to meet the incouragable Barbara Holt for wedding gown appointment she was already late for.

A stalker in the shadows of joy

"Yes, Tyler Oh my God, Yes" Bianca squealed lifting her hand so Tyler could place the ring on it. " I love you so much." Joy poured over Bianca and every facet of her being.  She had never felt so overwhelmed with happiness.  A light seemed to encompass her, it felt inpenatrable.  She had never felt so whole.
"I love you Bianca. I'm ready for it to be us verses the world."

The world Bianca thought, us verses the world.  She appreciated this indication from Tyler that he understood that she felt at war with life. All of the fury she was harboring all of the hurt and resentment.  She appreciated that despite her Father's refusal to validate her feelings, that he still understood.  This understanding made her feel less silly. Tyler wanted her, all of her, he was willing stand with her on the front line of this war she was fighting all alone, he was indeed her ally.  He was standing on the verge of greatness, born of a particular kind of royalty and he was choosing to latch her wagon, excess baggage and all to his.
"Get dressed! Let's celebrate!" Tyler said releasing her of his embrace. He lifted her chin with his finger "that Italian place you like so much, consider it a final supper before you start your inevitable wedding diet."

"Wedding..." Bianca muttered, marriage was one thing, a wedding was another.  Who would give her away? Who would sit on the brides side, her side, Tyler was the only person who was on her side, Tyler interupted her thoughts, "yes, babe, wedding, as in white dress, church vows before God...not to mention the Holt extravaganza of the year." Holt extravaganza. ..oh yes, Mrs. Holt would surely have it no other way. She shook her head into a nod, "of course" she spewed a bit too loudly trying to fain excitement. "Ok give me 20 minutes and let's go eat pasta till we bust!"

Waking up next to Tyler as his fiancé as opposed to before when Bianca woke up next to him as a girlfriend felt astonishingly different.  Bianca opened her eyes with a new sense of purpose and direction.  It had only marginally irritated her heart a little that she didn't get to share the news with anybody yet, but today at work she would be able to flash her substantial new ring and brag to her coworkers, and this would be very satisfying. Every day, though it had only been a handful, since the day Tyler had transformed her into the luckiest, most loved woman alive, had been no short of magical.  Thoughts of Shane and June, of baby boy were still present in her thoughts daily, but they no longer ruled over her.  She found herself, when she thought of these things, thinking of them in those terms.  She wondered if Tyler had purposed only to give her a new purpose for living.  Her lack luster job in a college town was certainly not satisfying enough for any once driven young lady. She realized now that boredom and fury, and perhaps fury pondered too much as a direct result of boredom,  had been all that she had.  She regonized this about herself,  she knew it was a character flaw, however, it was beyond her control. So much of her energy was channeled in the direction of her anger that she had very little left, until now, until Tyler Holt had made her human again , he had made her an individual that someone loved. He had brought her back from the dead.

She stroked Tylers sleeping cheek, his slightly unshaven face pricking the tips of her fingers. "Well good morning gorgeous,"  he smirked at her before his eyes ever opened to lock her own, "what can a do ya for this fine morning?" Tylers yawned and recited in true southern style, his arms encapsulating her and pulling her drowsy body near.
"Good morning, baby, was just here watching you sleep, feeling infinitely fortunate to be the gal who watches you greet the sunshine." Tyler turned on his side, one arm tucked behind his head, the other hand on the small of Bianca's back. "Your words Bianca, always sound like poetry, even when you don't mean for  them to, it's your rawness that makes you so savage" Bianca threw her head back as she laughed at this, "me savage?" She giggled, half flattered, half confused.  "You, baby, are so genuine.  So honest, and convicted, you attack the world like every moment is its own individual battle, and I have yet to witness you rise to that challenge you are truly an unrelenting savage, you, know the sexy kind, not the village burning, scalping kind." He was so non chalant, his eyes only beginning to flutter open, the words pouring from his lips as if they had been there waiting to fall out to her if only his lips would part.  "how is this even possible?" Bianca asked, with half jest. "Huh?" Taylor rose up to his elbow now awake his eyes fixed soulfully on Biancas. "Bianca, you blow my mind regularly, how is this possible is the exact sentiment that was running through my mind just now, knowing when I opened my eyes, you would be the brilliant, beautiful, woman that I would get to see." Bianca blushed at Tylers obvious flattery, and smirked back up to his gaze, with her flattered wits back about her, her ever clever guarded relationship persona in full swing.  "Well, counselor, i highly doubt I would retain you for representation, how could I ever trust anyone with such a poor judge of character."  Bianca raised an eyebrow in anticipation of Tylers banter, "Madam, " he crooned in an oh so mature and professional way, he swept his bed head locks from his forehead and held them back atop his head "it is you that would be in deficit of character by not volunteering my retainer, if you need references regarding  my character, i urge you emphatically to contact my fiancé."  Laughing and tickling they rolled around the bed, pillows and bedsheets flying wildly around them. Suddenly Bianca stopped. She pushed Tyler aside. He became alarmed at her sudden blanched appearance and instantly knew something was wrong. "What's up babe?" He asked pulling himself up onto his knees and grasping her elbow. "Oh, i don't really know" Bianca said slightly dazed. "I just felt overcome with panic, it was gripping, if I were a movie trailer voice over, I would call it foreboding."  Tyler lifted his head back in a honest chuckle, "My God, Bianca...if it were a movie trailer you would call it foreboding? Where the hell does this stuff come from?"
Bianca  smiled and waved her hand dismissively before climbing ontop of him.  But the foreboding feeling had left her queasy and distracted.  She ran through the motions of their love making as if the jolt hadn't happened, but she felt it.  That dark foreshadowing, that warning of unavoidable darkness ahead.  No, she told herself. No.  Not everything is a tragedy, it's just anxiety.  She had felt so many feelings on the spectrum between tragedy and joy, but always felt the winds change when joy was nearing end, and even though she was resisting it, as Tyler enjoyed her body, she knew heartbreak was stalking her.

A cardigan, a flannel, and an apple

The wedding announcement came not long after that I'll fated phone call.  It was simple white card stock, black glossy font, a picture of handsome Shane and pregnant June in black and white.  They looked blissfully happy.  June had gained a considerable amount of weight, this Bianca found to be enormously satisfying.  She was wearing a white casual maternity dress small flowers printed all over it and a cardigan , "very matronly" Bianca grunted. Then she skimmed over to her father.  Shane was wearing a flannel tucked into his blue jeans, no belt, so him. He was smiling sweetly with both arms around June, her head tucked under his chin.  Bianca's heart ached.  This was the first time she had seen them together, this war between them, a war Bianca had invented internally, seemed to have suddenly come to an end, ironically, Bianca was on the side defeated and had been the only side fighting all along.  Even in this realization, forgiveness was not there, acceptance would have to come first and Bianca would never accept this.  Tyler would be home from work soon, he had completed school and had only three months left of his internship at a local law firm, he hadn't taken his bar exam yet, but there was no doubt he would pass without incident.  Money had been no obstacle for the young couple, Bianca's job paid her personal bills, and the Holt family supported Tyler completely, making a generous deposit into his checking account twice a month.  Bianca wanted to leave Mississippi, she wanted to be as far away from Shane, June and the new baby as she could. But the situation with Avery and Trent  had set the tone for how well that would go over with the Holts, so Bianca knew better than to entertain thoughts if relocation.


"Sup babe" Tyler hugged Bianca before heading to the fridge, Bianca said nothing but held the announcement in front of her, waiting for Tyler to turn around. "Oh, man, what's this, let me see" Tyler looked thoughtfully at the little card for a few moments before flicking it toward Bianca, "June looks really fat" he chuckled. Bianca loved that he said this but only enjoyed it privately, she didn't want Tyler knowing how June's weight gain lit up her life right now, "Tyler, she's pregnant, not fat" Bianca scolded.  Tyler took a bite of the apple he retrieved from the refrigerator and sauntered over to her wrapping his arms around her waist and swaying with her in sort of a dance, "I'm sure you won't look like that when your pregnant, a dime like you can be sexy and thin even when your pregnant." Ohhhhh Tyler, she thought, you always know exactly what to say to me, not wanting to let him in on this she replied "wishful thinking, my dear everyone gains weight when they're pregnant" still engaged in they're kitchen sway dance Tyler took another bite of his apple and raised an eyebrow, he knows me so well Bianca thought, "okay, I'll admit she's looking a bit more plump than maybe she should at six months along." "Is she six months already, gosh, time Flies when your having fun" Tylers draw still gave Bianca chills all over her body.  It would be impossible for any woman to be more attracted to a man than Bianca was to Tyler."six months. Give or take, who's counting...and who's having fun?" "Why miss Shelt funny you should ask?" Bianca smiled at her Beau, anticipating his charmingly witty reply, Tyler stopped swaying and took his arms from around Bianca, placing his hands on either side of her onto the kitchen counter behind. He leaned in and sweetly kissed her forehead  then pulled just inches away from her face and locked into her eyes with his, "Darlin', I'm having the time of my life." He said lowering down into a kneel before her. Out of his back pocket her produced a diamond ring and offered it up to her on his little finger, his blue eyes glistening and a charming half grin washed over his beautiful face.  "Bianca..." her heart stopped beating and everything around her ceased to exist, "Darlin', do me the great honor of being the time of my life, for the rest of my life?"

To be, or not to be-troth, that is the question

"Hello," Bianca hesitantly uttered into the reciever of her phone,  silence for a moment then he spoke, it was the first time she had heard his voice in months, she could have never spoken to him again, but the business of her empty rental house with the belongings she couldn't fit into her VW beetle and Tylers Accord need to be addressed and Shane was no good at text messaging, said her couldn't read the small screen well, and communicating with June was out of the question. "Hello," he said, coldly,"I wasn't sure you had intentionally dialed me." He added.  "Well, I did, listen Dad I really don't care what you do with the house, it's in your name I'm not going to school anymore so you could just apply my tuition money...er...the money that would have been for my tuition next semester and pay off the lease.  The stuff inside is yours to do with what you will, you bought it and I don't want it. I believe that concludes our business so you can have June stop texting me." She said it all fast and matter of factly, just the way she had rehearsed it, she was feeling nervous now though, she was supposed to have hung up when she was finished talking, but she hadn't, she was hanging in the line holding her breath, with no idea what to expect from her estranged father. "Our business, Bianca, is far from over". Shane spoke authoritatively "regardless of your opinion of what I have done, or with whom I have done it with, I am your father, that has not changed, nor will it change simply because you say it should." Calm and cool Shane said his piece with unwavering poise, "Bianca, no one has set out here to hurt you, I'm sorry that things worked out this way but the heart-" Bianca was boiling "don't you dare, don't you dare say that the heart wants what the heart wants, ugh...let's push aside the fact that the statement is ridiculously cliche, but what are you even thinking?  You have known June all of her life!  You slept with her mother for Christ sake, she's my age!  She was my roommate, my best friend-" Shane interupted Her rant abruptly "all of that is true, it wasn't intentional, and it certainly wasn't personal and the fact remains June is having my baby, your brother-". The words stuck her like a slap to the face...brother...the embryo was now a baby, a baby boy.  Until then the pregnancy was just a tote bag that the affair was carrying around, it was just the mortar between the bricks of dysfunction but now it was a baby boy, a sibling....no, no Bianca rejected this, it was too much "no.  Dad, whoever you are, how dare you act as if I'm the one who's scewed this, you impregnated my roommate and best friend,  she barely even legal and now your trying to dangle this baby in front of me as if it should invoke some sense of...family, seriously dad it's laughable, I think you need a shrink or something, we haven't spoken in months and you've made no mention of it, I dropped out of school, no matter to you, I'm spun.  Im completely spun."  "All of those things occur to me Bianca, but baby, your a grown up, I never told you I wouldn't pay for school, I have tried exhaustively to reach you, you have made these adult decisions the same way June and I made ours and your pointing your finger at me and you've crucified June when all we have done is make some adult decisions, the same as you."  Bianca couldn't believe he was rationalizing this, trivializing her broken heart and confusion.  He was owning this situation, she didn't have words she was completely appalled but she couldn't hang up the phone, she thought it must be something broken inside of her that kept her on the line, or maybe she was just hoping for for some sense to come from him.  She didn't feel and of old Shane in the man she was speaking too, he had become exactly what she had feared, someone else, it felt as if he'd forgotten her, it felt like he had outgrown the need for her affections, or perhaps June was able to fulfill all of his needs, emotionally and otherwise. "Bianca, this baby is coming, five months from now he will be a real living, breathing, soul and a member of our family.   Listen, I've married June, I love her, she's having my child, and it was embarrassing for her to go to her appointments and check the "single box" on her paperwork, naturally it was the next step-".  Bianca ended the call then, that had done it, not even the news of the marriage, that still needed to marinate for a while, it was his reference to embarrassing June, was he kidding? This drove it home for Bianca, June had replaced her.  Here was Bianca, humiliated, confused, cast aside...embarrassed? Bianca was embarrassed!  Tyler walked into the front door to find Bianca there her now 20 year old body slumped over the kitchen counter staring at her phone much the way she had stared at her mothers casket, empty, void of expression, she was reconciling her loss because Shane was dead to her, June was dead to her, Paris was dead to her.  Tyler slung his book pack on the sofa and went to her, he wrapped himself around her body and held her in his chest until her tears came, he had learned the language of Bianca, he knew this state of her being had to be the result of speaking to her father, he had been waiting for this, he knew it would inevitably happen.  He also knew Shane was not going to be able to cure Bianca's broken heart, in all fairness, what could he do abandon his pregnant lover, he knew that when all was said and done that wouldn't mend Bianca, someday Bianca  would know that too, she knew it now, but she was too emotional to recognize it.  Tyler held her while she purged her frustrated tears.  He selfishly indulged in the sweet smell of her hair and the way her petite frame could be completely engulfed by his embrace,  the way she was needing him these days made him almost greatful to Shane.  Tyler didn't have all of  Bianca until Shane gave her to him, he was going to marry her, "Bianca" he said, the first words he had spoken to her since arriving home, the proposal beginning to boil up from his guts, Bianca lifted her head and locked her eyes with his, "he married her" she said softly before burying  her head back into the safety of his chest.  Shane pushed the marriage proposal back down inside of him, suddenly recognizing that Bianca in crises makes him feel crazy in love with her, "I'm sorry baby" he cooed, he scooped her up and carried her to the couch where he effortlessly sat with her in his arms, they sat that way for hours, talking, Tyler's arms never loosening their hold on Bianca, and Bianca left her head nuzzled into his chest until they both fell asleep.

detached and exposed

The relocation to Tylers house had gone as smoothly as possible, it was made easier that when Bianca an Tyler had arrived to fetch her belongings, June had already moved out.  She was more than fair with the division of the contents, leaving Bianca everything except her own clothes.  Bianca found it strange that her bed and dresser were left behind, but figured she would be around later to retrieve them.  On the small kitchen table June left a letter.  Bianca  saw it as soon as she entered the living room, she knew what it was, but even though her curiosity urged her to read it, her self defense mechanism kicked in and deferred her.  There was no part of Bianca's mind that was ready to forgive June, or Shane, she was uninterested in anything that would persuade her psyche to even consider abandoning her anger.  Bianca had resolved to focus all of her attention on Tyler, and he had been the perfect diversion.  He poured over Bianca in all the ways he always had, and then some.   Bianca found it ironic that it took the crumbling of the Empire she had considered to be truth, to expose the the raw promise in her relationship.  Prior to this, Tyler had been a beautiful amendment to her life, but now he was her constitution.  She was careful not to show him this, but she was so vulnerable, so lost, she feared that despite her feeble attempts to be clandestine, she was transparent.  This was not an unfair interpretation, she had stuffed the confusion and hurt so far down within herself that Bianca herself couldn't readily access it.  Tyler served as the perfect distraction.  He had never held this sort of power in his relationship with Bianca before, it was one of the things that kept his interest peaked.  Women always threw themselves at him, but Bianca she didn't need him, he was an afterthought for her, his staying with her, or going on without her, while being marginally inconvenient, wouldn't have really impacted Bianca... he felt, and she had worked hard to create this mirage .  This made her a conquest.  A curious aberration, incidentally his pursuit to understand her perceived disinterest resulted in him falling madly in love with her candid yet carefully guarded soul.  He never meant for it to happen, it was beyond inopportune, but it had happened, he was undoubtedly smitten,  now that Tyler was the only safe place for Bianca, she was finally invested in Tyler the way he was accustomed to women investing.  The mysteries of her disinterest lingered no longer, Leaving, it it's wake, a raw and apparent need for his affection.  This shift in power was seamless, their relationship was ready to progress this way, the momentum of their attraction was always poised to shift sides.  Bianca knew the emotional dependency she was succumbing  to was a dangerous surrender, but her need to feel the void left by her father's indiscretions , was  much greater than the need to win the upper hand in the relationship game.


Tyler had no problem retrieving the letter from June, and even though Bianca didn't want to read it, Tyler was able to fill in a few blanks of the controversial story.  The only knowledge, beyond the presence of a embryo, Bianca had was a result of what Tyler relayed from June's letter.


June said in the letter she was keeping the baby.  She said she loved Shane, and that he loved her. She said that he was very hurt that Bianca wouldn't talk to him, that he understood the complexity of the predicament, but he was dissapointed in Bianca's avoidance of him.  That June was quitting school and moving to Paris with Shane to figure things out and share in the development of this new life they created. It was sickening.


What Shane and junr didn't consider  was that Bianca knew how to let go.  That the death of her mother had taught her that there came a time to detach in the name of "life must go on".  Bianca had learned that letting go was sometimes less painful than holding on.  This was a lesson she hadn't intentionally wired into her subconscious hard drive, but had embedded itself in her out of pure necessity.  The second June uttered those inconceivable words, Bianca left them behind and ran, with reckless abandon into a future with the ready and willing Tyler Holt.

The knight

" she's pregnant" Bianca said bluntly and promptly upon entering Tylers car. Tyler widened his eyes with surprise "your kidding me, wow, is it that musician guy, the one who's band sings at that bar, The Trip, Uptown On Friday Nights." Tyler asked earnestly "what? No" Biamca sneered, what the hell, what musician she thought. Tylers presence was so disarming she was hardly the train wreck that she had been before he arrived but all of the emotion was flooding back to her now. She was about to tell him the truth  bur before she began  speaking  but he was driving and looking straight ahead, unaware of her beginning to speak he continued "you know the guy, the slacky with the hair and the skinny jeans, i saw her in his car like two days ago headed towards your place, the band's called poetic something or another, they sing that indie pop...i don't know..maybe emo-ish junk you and June listen to." This was all news to Bianca she didn't know June was seeing a musician, then again, she really didn't know much about anybody anymore, but he was way off, this wasn't making was making the truth sound worse and it was irritating Bianca, she was in crises and she was taking it personally that Tyler thought her so dramatic that the mere news of June's pregnancy would constitute Bianca's hysterical meltdown, a little part of her, however, was kind of reveling in his ignorance of the situation. She wished she could join him in his oblivion, but she had put it off long enough..she had to enlighten him to the truth, now, so like one would rip a well adhered band aid band aid from tender flesh, Bianca spilled it out "it's my dad's baby Tyler."  Now it was Bianca's turn to gauge a reaction.  Tylers jaw dropped, the way people's do in movies, he  turned toward her in slow motion jaw dangling unnaturally, eyes wide in shock and disbelief, "yeah," she said turning her body straight in her seat, "My dad". Tyler turned his eyes back to the road in the same, nearly comical but completely genuine manner, jaw still hanging open.  Bianca felt the same  way at first so she understood his surprise But she needed something more from him,  just something some little morsel of wisdom or attempt at comfort, something more than shock, but she didn't know what to say,  so she just stared quietly ahead waited for him to process it. Finally he spoke "You move in with me, until we can make sense of this, or forever" he didn't look her way, but he slipped his hand onto her knee, "I know the timing is bad, or, well, maybe it's perfect, just not so romantic, Bianca I love you, I want to see you when I wake up, I want to see you when I fall asleep, I want you around every waking moment, with me, because your it, your my girl, and, well, there it is, I've been trying to get around to asking for a couple of weeks, I told my parents, they aren't thrilled, but they will adjust...oh my god, I'm such an ass, I'm sorry, I'm just...I didn't mean to trivialize, clearly  this is-" Bianca held her hand up "Shut up, Tyler."  And he did, like a child scolded, he stopped talking and took his hand from Bianca's knee, after a short uncomfortable silence he turned to her again "Bea, I'm sorry darlin' I'm an ass..." Bianca threw her hand up again "don't call me Bea, " she said "pull the car over", Tyler hung his head before shaking it and nodding in compliance and with an heir  of humility he nearly whispered "I can take you where ever you want to go-" "I asked you to pull over" Bianca said "right, sure Bianca, I'm just concerned about---", " oh my god, Tyler, pull over" Bianca interupted, "alright darlin' , alright " Tyler said, his southern draw more charming than ever in his submission.   He pulled  into the gas station  and put the car in park, he turned toward Bianca, his body posture in a sad shrug and his palms turned up, "I was insensitive, but how the hell do I begin here, It sucks, the whole thing, Bianca, shit, I..." again with the hand from Bianca, staring straight ahead, she inhaled deeply "Tyler Holt, that was the most inappropriate, poorly timed...i dunno, proposition, in the history of propositions, but  somehow.." Bianca looked up at Tyler, gazing lovingly into his beautiful eyes, "it was perfect, I don't want to be called Bea anymore because that's whae...she...called me, living with you would be delightful, I love you Tyler. You are my certainty, I love your beautiful soul", a relieved smile washed over his face as Bianca lunged For him over the console, Tyler wrapped his strong tanned arms around her and lifted her to him, "I love you" he grunted whilst pulling her in, and then in the front seat they replayed the scene from to nights before, only this time, making love in the car, was the farthest thing from Bianca's idea of bizarre.

• 
  

A "Bea"trayal

"Shane is the father." June said with her eyed fixed in terror on Bianca's face.  "My father?" Bianca said her stomach flipping in her body, "Yes" June replied, "Bea, I'm so sorry, I...", "no!" Bianca shouted at her, "you don't get to talk to me now, theres...you can't possibly think..no, no this is impossible". Bianca was going to be sick she spun around and ran out into the front yard, June didn't follow her or call after her.  Bianca bent over and threw up, she threw up as if she could purge the news it's self.  June had been seeing her father, had been intimate with him. Oh my god Bianca thought, this is sick, they are both sick, she's like my sister, she's my age. How could this happen, she heaved again nothing more would come up.  Bianca felt dizzy, she had to get away from here from June, she didn't want to go home she didn't want to see her father, she didn't want to see him ever again.  All of the sudden this man she adored, who she knew inside in out, the man who raised her, who loved her mother. The man who didn't date this hero of her life was a stranger.  The man she knew would have never entertained thoughts of June Bettles as a lover, or even an adult. Bianca felt the void again, the one she had felt at her mothers burial but this time she didn't feel sad she felt furious, she felt the sick rise in her again but she stifled it. I have to go, I have to get away from here she didn't have her keys, she had left them inside she couldn't even turn to look at the house, my phone she thought she reached around to the back pocket of her jeans, thank god her phone was there she pulled it out and hands trembling dialed Tylers number "Hey babe" he answered on the second ring, the sound of his voice, so normal so familiar brought on her tears "Tyler, come get me" through gasping sobs she tried to continue "June, she..." Bianca couldn't speak it, her throat clamped around the lump that had risen up in it forbidding her to speak it, keeping the betrayal trapped beneath it Bianca gagged, other line beeped Bianca glanced at the screen of her phone "daddy" the contact photo was a picture of he and Bianca June had taken of them bowling one night "oh my gawwwwd" she wailed "where are you?" Tyler barked at her loud enough for her to hear with the phone in front of her instead if up to her ear "Bianca is June ok, are you hurt?!" Quickly Bianca returned the phone to her ear, she knew she had to pull it together to make sense "yes, I'm home I'm not hurt neither is she," not yet anyway she thought "I'll explain in person just please come pick me up" "on my way babe" Tyler said and Bianca hung up, she needed to figure out how she was going to explain this to him, lord only knew what was running through his head on his way to her but the urgency urgency motivated him to get to her quickly, she had never been happier to see that Honda Accord whip into the driveway. My knight in shining armor she thought as she ran to him.

Juney no more

The strangeness of the June encounter lingered with Bianca throughout the rest of her day, sitting heavily on the for front of her mind and refusing to go away.  Bianca didn't know how she would manage acting normally with her tonight, but hoped that once she was home and June was acting sane that everything would feel comfortable once again.  She wouldn't be able to go to her Father's tonight because cancelling with June was certainly out of the question, she had been missing him too, he had cancelled their last several lunch dates because he was working on a new project at work and she hadn't carved out any time to make the trip back to Paris to visit. On top of everything else she hadn't spoken to Tyler all day so there had been progress made decoding his bizarre behavior the previous night. "Ugh " Bianca sighed, pulling up to the house. The lights were on and June's car was parked out front. "Well here we go" Bianca muttered to herself as she approached the door.

June sat in the armchair, still wearing her sweats and socks from the night before. It was pretty evident she hadn't left the house or showered. June didn't work Mr. Bettles, her father, was a successful author and the guilt from leaving his family for his publisher worked in June's favor.  She took classes at Ole miss, but only part time all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the rest of her time she spent socializing or shopping, and she did some volunteer work at a local nursing home from time to time, she liked to stay busy. So seeing her like this was indeed unsettling, she must be really sick, Bianca thought. "Hey there!" Bianca called from the entryway, June looked up from the tablet she was looking at her eyes filled with tears. "Juney what's wrong?"  Bianca ran to the armchair and kneeled in front of it placing one hand on June's knee. June looked down at her hand which she was now wringing in front of her "I'm pregnant Bea...".

Bianca's head was swimming. How could this be, June didn't have a steady boyfriend,  Bianca couldn't even recall having seen her go out with the same guy more than once since her high school relationship ended the summer before senior year.  "Wh..who?" Bianca managed to squeak out.  June sat there silently her blonde highlighted hair swept up in a messy bun and naturally pretty face flushed and tear stained.  "Who's the father June?" Bianca asked again more clearly, still nothing from June, she sat still staring at her hands. "Juney-" "don't call me that Bianca, don't call me Juney" Bianca took her hand from June's leg and stood up confused.  "What is going on?" Bianca demanded. "Who is the father June?" Bianca felt her heart racing, she felt tears welling up in her eyes, the room was thick with tension something bad was happening here, something worse than unplanned pregnancy, Bianca stood there panic washing over her face puzzling at her friend and June's trance like focus on her wringing hands, the moments felt like excruciating hours, the silence was so loud it was ringing in Bianca's ears. Finally June looked up from her lap and with a quivering voice uttered the words that would change life the way Bianca had known it forever.

the June Situation

The. sun flooded into Bianca's room bringing with it a promise of resolution.  Bianca stretched and rolled herself up right before looking down at the clock. "9:45!!!" She shrieked, no!  She was only enrolled in 3 classes, those three classes were all on Mondays, wednesdays, and Fridays, her first class, biology, began at 9:30, followed by freshman composition at 10:20 and finally psychology at 11:30.  Today was friday, and Bianca was going to miss biology again and she was going to get dropped. She had already missed 3 days and been so late twice she may have just as well missed and it was only the beginning of October. "Shit, god, how am I going to explain to dad that I wasted his money and flunked out of biology because I can't successfully set an alarm. Yep, your real winner Bianca" she flopped onto her back and pounded her mattress with her fists then took two long, deep breaths, "I'll go tell him tonight, I'm sure I'm not the first freshman to ever screw up, he will understand".  Again she heard gagging coming from the hallway Bianca hurried down the hall and rapped softly on the bathroom door "June, are you ok" she asked through the door "uh, yeah, most have some stomach thing, I felt pretty lousy all night, shouldn't you be in class?" "Yes, I should be, I overslept, looks like I'll be lighter one course this semester..." Bianca waited to hear something more from June but June said nothing.  "Juney, do we have a problem?"  The bathroom door opened and June stood in the doorway with her hand on her hips and her head cocked sideway, her normally soft kind features looking bizarrely flushed and her lips slightly pursed.  "I don't know Bianca? Do we?"  Bianca took a step backwards "woah, June, where the hell is all of this coming from? Yesterday--"June cut Bianca off before she could finish her sentence "yesterday you blew me off again, like you have done every other time I have asked you to hang out since we moved here, has it occurred to you that all I've become to you is half the rent, that you have no idea what's happening in my life?"  "For God's sake June! Yesterday you said a raincheck for the movie was fine, now I'm waiting for you to start spewing pea soup and for  your head to start spinning around, I just can't figure out when you got so mad?"  June raised her finger to her chin cocked her head to the left and cut her eyes up to the right as if she was deep in thought "hmmm, let me see if I can put my - yes, yep I know when it was I think it's when you were screwing your wannabe Kenedy boyfriend in his lame car in front of the entire neighborhood like a 10 dollar hooker." Oh no, she saw. For a few moments Bianca stared at her friend trying to find the right words, and June stood there silently challenging Bianca to defend herself. "Wow, Juney.  I'm really sorry I haven't been more tuned in to you.  I really feel the pressure now that I know your stalking me?! Why the hell would you be watching us? And why is this so upsetting to you?"  June cluck ed her tongue, put her hands back on her hips and finally broke her steely blue eyes free from Bianca's. "Look Bea, I was just pissed you would rather be someone's cheap date than my friend, and I'm not feeling well, I'm sorry, I should have talked to you about it before I got so upset.  I knew you would see Tyler more when we moved here but I guess I'm just jealous about how much of you he's getting, i get tired of sloppy seconds."  Bianca  threw her arms around her friend "oh Juney I'm so sorry! I had no idea you were feeling that way!"  "Well, now you do, so can we have our movie night tonight?" , "Yes! Of course!" Bianca sang " but now I must get dressed before I get dropped from all of my classes, so I'll see you tonight!"  "Ok Bea. See you then...love you babe."  "Love you Juney"  June left the bathroom and Bianca slipped in shutting the door behind her and leaning against it, she thought to herself, Wow that was crazy, that was like certifiably freaky crazy stuff. Aside from June's uncharacteristic outburst and un warranted anger, why the hell was she watching me with Tyler last night. She seriously needs to get a life. Bianca started the shower, although she was a little freaked out about June's apparent split personality dissorder, she was relieved to have resolved the conflict with her for the time being.  Still there was Tyler and his odd behavior to addrEss

The Holt Situation

"Hey!" Bianca chirped at June while she laid her keys on the table next to their front door.  "Hiya" June chirped back, she was sitting in the lazy boy recliner they had bought at the local thrift store, sweat pant clad legs hung over the arm and mismatched socked feet dangling.  "Hot date tonight Bea?, or should we order a pizza and a movie" , Bianca knew June wanted her to hang at home tonight, but Tyler wanted to go out for dinner and he had been so busy with his studies lately Bianca knew if she didn't seize this opportunity for some face time it could be quite a stretch before she had another opportunity. "I don't know if I would call it a hot date as much as a casual dinner" Bianca replied casually as she untied her tennis shoes. "Too bad" June replied mockingly, "I was thinking vintage Ryan Phillipe".  "Your killing me Juney...rain check?"  "Yes, tomorrow after work?"  "It's a date"  Bianca called over her shoulder on her way to the shower.


"Your a vision Bianca, thank you for seeing me tonight." "The pleasure is all mine" Bianca recited in her best Audrey Hepburn voice as she fastened her seatbelt and climbed into Tyler's sedan.  The Honda Accord sedan, while very nice, seemed much to old for him but his grandmother had paid cash for it and he Paid her monthly on an interest free loan.  The stipulation for this agreement was that Tyler must choose the make and model of car that his grandmother had chosen.  This is how Tyler's family operated.  They invested, they saved, they spent wisely.  In fact, they did did everything wisely.  Bianca could feel the tension in the room every time she entered.  She knew they didn't approve of her.  The Holt boys, Tyler and Trent were something special.  They both made heads turn wherever they went.  Tall, muscular, tan blue eyed blonde haired smooth talking southern boys.  Bianca was in awe of Tyler.  His looks, his smarts, his charm he was everything and all at once.  Trent, Tylers older brother, was married and his wife Avery was expecting the Holts first grand baby.  This, however, wasn't pleasing Mr. And Mrs. Holt. Shortly before Bianca met Tyler,  Avery's job as a flight attendant had required that she relocate to Atlanta for a couple of years. Trent was sick over the idea of her living that far from him and decided he would marry her and go with her.  Trent was in the process of developing some new antibiotic, he was some sort of chemist, and he was the crown jewel of the Holts family.  Mr. Holt was a surgeon, and he Mrs. Holt owned "Holts Stop" book store/cyber cafe. "Holts stop" was fantastically successful and they  now had four or five of them dotted about the southern states with the newest one about to pop up in Atlanta...to no one's surprise.  The Holts family was Royalty in Oxford and Avery Mitchell was a Illinois native, flight attendant and free spirit that had never seen the inside of a college classroom. She did not fit the bill and Mrs. Holt let it be known.   Bianca always liked Avery and the way Mrs. Holt would talk about her made Bianca very uneasy, but she was barely treading water with the Holts herself and wouldn't dare rock the boat.


Tyler  tucked his arm under Bianca's and scooped up her hand in his, gently stroking her fingers with his thumb, the car was still parked in front of the house, the keys in the ignition and the sounds of contemporary jazz coming softly from the radio. Bianca thought it odd that jazz was on the radio, Tyler never listened to jazz...but his mother did, he must have spent some time with her.


Tyler  stared directly into Bianca's light brown eyes. "Bianca, I love you.  I am so lucky to have you." Bianca didn't know what to make of his tone, kind of sad, she didn't know if that was it, she couldn't put her finger on it. "Tyler Holt, I am the lucky one, and we both know that " she said teasingly. Tyler but his hands on her cheeks and wove his fingers into the back of her hair before pulling her to him for a long passionate kiss and before she knew it they were in the backseat together communicating with out any words at all.


Bianca climbing into bed reflecting on the whole bizarre encounter with Tyler.  After he made love to her he was still wanting  to take her to dinner. But Bianca's hair was desheveled and her make up smeared of gone completely, her silk sundress wrinkled, she did want to go any where.  She asked Tyler to come in but he declined quickly with out giving it any consideration and had said something about needing to study anyway so he best go home.  If Bianca hadnt known better, she would have called herself a booty call, but there was something different about Tyler, the way he was talking, his tone...the sex in the backseat which they had never had before, the jazz music. What the hell was it about.  I'll call him in the morning  Bianca thought, I'll call him and ask him what it was all about.  Bianca was jarred from thoughts by what sounded like June gagging in the bathroom she hurried to go check on her but when Bianca made it to the bathroom June was brushing her teeth. "You sick Juney?"  June took the tooth brush out of her mouth long enough to reply "No, just brushed my tongue and it gagged me" her tone was cool, almost chilly.  She's upset about tonight Bianca thought, oh my god I hope she didn't see us in the car, how embarrassing.  The coolness in June's tone was a good indicator it wasn't time to talk so Bianca quietly turned and headed back down the hall to her bedroom.  OK two things on the to do list tomorrow, Bianca thought while drifting off to sleep make peace with June and figure out all of Tylers weirdness.